A fresh start.

Where do I start? I guess the best place is a exactly a year ago, the day my life changed. So, I’ll start with the accident. A year ago from today, on my birthday, I got up, got  ready for work with my sister,  and I was ready for the rest of my night in the city to see Phantom of the Opera for the third time with my boyfriend, Matt. I would be the one to drive my sister and I to work in my Chevy Cruze LTZ. This day was different from every other day- we never made it to work.

I don’t remember February of 2013 and the memories I do have of January, I get them confused. Ultimately, I do not remember the day of the accident or even that month. We got hit from the back and the front of the car was untouched. I believe we had to be cut out of the car. There was a lot of traffic that morning. On top of that, we caused even more traffic. If you would like to read about our accident you can click here. Or you can google Bahar Kaya. I was airlifted to Stony Brook Hospital. My sister did not have to be. The helicopter, from what I’ve been told, was there to take my sister to the hospital. The EMT wasn’t able to get my pulse and must have thought I was dead, I’m assuming. I had to have opened my eyes or something because the EMT ended up using the helicopter for me.

I suffered a bunch of things I still don’t understand but what I do know is, I had to undergo surgery to repair discs C6 and C7 in my neck, a titanium plate was inserted in there.


I was in a coma for a few weeks, I do not remember anything from being in the hospital, except the last leg of my stay at St. Charles, and I have acquired a traumatic brain injury. OH! I also have DAF, which is called a Diffuse Axonal Injury. Cool man. You can do what I did and read about it on Wikipedia. If you ask me, it is pretty awesome and now, when I meet new people, I have something interesting to tell them about myself… Like I had nothing else.

( -_- ) I had sheering in my brain which causes a host of stuff, like you wouldn’t have guessed. My corpus callosum, which is the part of the brain that connects the left and right hemispheres of your brain together, has taken a beating as did the rest of it.  My short term memory is shot. I do not remember much at all but I do remember my past. Nothing affected what I have already created, only the new memories had a problem.

I was moved to St. Charles Hospital in March sometime. I do remember being moved that day. I remember being taken downstairs of Stony Brook, the elevators, being put into the ambulance, I remember that. I do not remember arriving at St. Charles. By the time I did remember the new hospital, a few weeks have gone by. It is hard to explain this to someone because in reality they cannot put themselves in your place… at all. I remembered leaving Stony Brook and because of that I automatically believed that I had just gotten to St. Charles but in reality I had been there a few weeks already. I had no time concept, like I had any before, and I had holes in my memory. Oh yeah! I will be getting a pair of glasses by the end of this month for my double vision. I will be given prisms. This girl, who had perfect vision, now has to use glasses. Thank you girl who hit my vehicle.

I had plans man. I had plans, even if I didn’t talk about it much with everyone. I still had them and they have been put on hold, indefinitely. The doctors, from what I have gathered, do not know how long recovery is going to be. I started my new TBI life in Stony Brook. I have been trying to keep, what is left, balanced with my new self. I am still trying to get a hang of this new person and understand her. I know it’ll take time but in the mean time it is so friggen difficult beyond belief. It’ll get there, one day. I have to have patience. It is as simple as that.

My friends and family have been amazing and I thank every single one of them with all of my heart. If they weren’t around this would be even more difficult. I will use this as a way to update the world of the past and present. I gotta start somewhere. The goal is to write something here every week. I will have to check my medical records to see if there was something important to write about.

Happy Birthday to myself.

(Ugh, I feel like I am just turning 25 but in reality it’s 26… Bummer.)

(-_- )



  1. This year will be so much better than last year. I promise. I remember you telling me how you were so excited to see phantom again and I was so looking forward to hearing about it too. Then I remember not getting texts for the longest time never thinking that this could happen. You will always have plans, you’re right that will never change. Even how you accomplish those plans, that will never change. You’re a fighter (I tell you that everyday) and an unbelievable woman who deserves the best in life.

    I remember when I went to see you, they just moved you into a chair. When your mom told you I was there (my mom was already in for a whole with you by that time) all you wanted to do was feel my finger to see if you missed the wedding. You made so many strides from March to April, I even remember Nese calling me but it was you on the other end. I’m still tearing up thinking about it. Then I remember the video of you walking, Bahar you made sure you improved every week there was no other choice in your book.

    You’re an inspiration of strength and determination. Anything is possible and I do hope you have a great birthday and that this year is an amazing year for you both physically as well as emotionally.

    Love you so much,
    Stephanie & Marty

      • You got out a couple days before the wedding. In 2 and a half months you made a ton of progress. And I have told you many times you were there in spirit! Love you 🙂

  2. I love that you’re sharing your story. You’re a true inspiration with how your have come. You have over come so much and I always see pictures witha smile on your face. I work with TBI patients and most of them dont have your spirt. Never give up on your dreams, even the small or big.

    Happy Birthday Bahar!


    PS I feel like I’m not turning 26 too 😦

  3. […] post packed out with photos from over the years that made me laugh. Today is just something simple. One year ago today was tough. It was the scariest I can ever remember. And the bottom line is that there just […]

  4. I love you like a daughter. I remember texting you a Happy Birthday message that morning too.When Jenn called me with the news, I couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough to see you, Nese and your Mom and Dad. Seeing how far you have come has been a real life miracle. I am so happy and amazed at your progress every time I see you. We always cry and then we laugh. I love you. You are such an inspiration to Jenn, Nicole, and I. Happy Birthday. I hope this year brings you double the amount of good wishes. Love you. Mama Dice.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s