The new me

Bahar 2.0

I am working a bit backwards. I apologize but I am taking everyone’s suggestions to heart. Everyone is curious (its human nature) and I made this happen because that curiosity exists. I want everyone to know what is going on and not to make assumptions of what is going on. This is the perfect outlet.

Getting feed back from friends and family is giving me insight on what they would like to know more about. So, I thank everyone for giving me that.

It helps me more than you know.

I make assumptions that people know what I am saying when I talk about what is going on with me. One of those things is my eye sight. I forget that I have to explain what’s going on, especially, because people don’t see an injury like this everyday. I have to remind myself of this constantly. I don’t mind answering questions but there isn’t enough time in a day to, accurately, explain what’s going on. Forget time- I don’t have enough words to explain it accurately. I’ll get to that in another entry.

I see double. I’m gonna attempt this: Imagine yourself looking at the Tv. Try to imagine another Tv next to it but over lapping the real Tv. Now, try to imagine the second, over lapping Tv, crooked. IF you somehow can get something close to what I see you’ll find yourself saying, “fuck that” or “thank goodness I don’t see two.” Well, that is what I see. I see double of whatever I am looking at and I cannot undo it. Because of this I am even slower when I function. Since I started walking, I lose my balance very fast and I am even worse with the double vision. I only know this because the glasses I have that bring the images closer I am better with my balance.

It has been about 3 weeks since I got this pair of glasses. This pair has the prism in the lenses. The other pair of glasses the doctor gave me was a try out. The doctor put a prism sticker on it so I get used to it. The sticker was only on the left side. The left eye is weaker than the other eye. I had gotten to the point where I felt incomplete without them. Now it is permanent… for the time being. The doctor isn’t able to say about how long it’ll be like this.

The glasses do not fix the double vision completely. The images are only brought closer together… that is the best thing the doctor can do right now. The second image is there but it is also crooked. It makes it even harder for the doctor to fix. The crookedness is nothing the doctor can fix :/ Having the images closer together is less work my brain has to do looking at stuff… so I’ll take it. I just have to wait for my brain to fix itself to have things working properly again.

So, when I look at someone whom I don’t like, I see two of their beautiful faces. Oh Joy 😀

The glasses make looking at everything so much easier. I ignore the second image so much that it is hard to find at times but once I locate it, I cannot unsee it. Without the glasses, I move a few seconds slower. I have to really look at things to see where things are. I have to locate the originals of everything but with the glasses I can do that a bit faster. It’s only a few seconds but it makes so much easier. I don’t have to do so much thinking when I get up to go to the bathroom (-_-)

Oh man, this is even worse when I am with a crowd of people. I see more people than there really is. Not only am I getting tired by the all talking going on but I am getting tired looking at everything trying to figure out what is the double vision. It is tiring when it is what you are doing all the time in that couple of hours. Two hours isn’t enough time to get you tired when you are walking around but when your brain is tired it is hard to fight the urge to sleep. There is no sarcasm anymore when I say I’m tired… When I say I’m tired I am fucking tired.

A lot of everyday things you do that don’t take much thought takes everything out of me…One day I’ll be where you are but for now, it’s a shit ton of work. Welcome to my life.

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