I’ll get it right. Eventually.

My friend Louis asked me some questions that he had after reading my last post. I enjoyed answering his questions. We’re human, we all have curiosities/questions, and I am happy to answer them. I don’t mind at all. So bring them on Louis… and World. I’m ready.

The conversation I had with Louis via Facebook was helpful in that it helps me to see what others are understanding or not understanding. I want to attempt to give others some idea of what is going on with me. I am not 100% certain, the doctors aren’t, and I don’t expect others to be after reading this blog but its worth a try. Anyways, talking to Louis gave me a glimpse of what I may or may not be explaining clearly.

I seem to remember events/moments specifically when I have a strong emotion attached to that event. Not to say I won’t remember anything… I surprise myself sometimes with the things I remember. When it’s a positive emotion or negative emotion though, I am more likely to retain the moment. I think that happens because I keep replaying that specific moment over and over again in my head. It’s like having a phone number constantly repeated back to you and you have the numbers or at least some of them, stored in your memory. I am functioning like a normal human, in the end, but I do have some odd things occurring that are not quite normal… whether I like it or not.

Like I told Louis that day (oh the I remember the conversation because I saved it so I refer back to it) I don’t mind the questions. I don’t. I don’t have many exciting things going on so I welcome the questions with open arms. I enjoy it.

I have the memories stored somewhere but I just don’t have it at my disposal. The way I like to explain it is like this: Before the accident my memories or files were organized. All my memories/files were stored neatly in the cabinets. Now, the memories/files have to be reorganized. Everything is are all over the floor. The memories are there but it takes a while to find the paperwork because its all over. It is going to take some time to get everything functioning normally again. New memories are harder to find out. It takes a while to sort through everything. Old stuff is easy to handle.

Before, everything was easy to find but now I need cues to help me guide me thru the files. Once I got the cue, I can bring in the rest with ease. Louis asked if I get confused by the tone of the conversation or frequency. I do get confused with frequency and tone but that has nothing to do with remembering stuff. That has to do with misunderstanding people and how I am not processing information the right way.

I misunderstand A LOT but that has nothing to do with what I remember… at least I think. Remembering moments without help, takes a lot out of me. I write in a journal. I have been keeping it since I got out of the hospital. Mostly for the memory part. If I miss a day it isn’t a big deal but two or three days – I need to ask mom or my sister. Again, they tell me one word about the day and I can bring up the rest on my own. I will eventually remember on my own… but like a week later. I’ll be doing something else and I’ll randomly remember what I did last Wednesday. (-_-) By then, a week is too late.

We shall see if I am able to remember what Pluviophile means.

In reality, most people don’t remember things like that with ease, that I know, but it is not about a word or definition in specific. Everyone forgets small stuff that they did or said that day and I shouldn’t expect a lot of myself. But the reason why you’re forgetting is different than mine. You forget things not because your brain isn’t working properly it’s because you have other things to worry about. If you didn’t have other things to occupy your brain with… you’d remember. I, however, do nothing but sit on the couch and forget things… just because.

I hope I’m not confusing you more, Louis. I am not completely helpless- I know this despite what some people might think- I am talking to you cousin- but I or anyone else cannot forget that some things are happening and I am trying to work them into my life now. That is what is occupying my life at the moment and it is not easy. Things you, the reader, don’t think about because it’s second nature, well, I have to. I remember how things were for me once upon a time and the things I never thought about, like walking down the stairs or drinking water while listening to music, I have to think about now, (otherwise down the stairs I go or choke on the water). Don’t get me wrong, everyday is easier than the day before but I’ll get into that next time about how I can’t do two things at once.

Feel free to share your questions with me. I will try my bestest to answer them without confusing you more… that’s to you LuLu.

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