The new me

Not so easy anymore

Every Monday, my mom, Nese and I try to catch Dancing with the Stars.  If we can’t catch it on Monday, we’ll have it ready for Tuesday on the DVR. Either way we watch it. I enjoy it immensely. This week was Disney week (mah fave!). This series has been going on for some time now and not once did I get emotional watching it, from what I can remember. Most also know that I have always been an emotional person…(-_-). Anyways, this episode hit home for me because I got it. I understood her feelings about the dance she was learning. The star dancing is Amy Purdy. She is a double amputee snowboarder. Pretty sweet, if I don’t say so myself. I had both legs and it took me about 2 hours to get down the mountain. I was getting lapped by my friends. Here is her website, if you’re interested.

It’s pretty amazing that she is attempting to dance and she is paired with one of the best dancers on the show, Derek Hough. The reason this week stood out to me was because she was having trouble with the waltz. The waltz is a slow dance and easy for most… Or at least it seems easy for anyone watching it being done, compared to the other dances. It’s slower than the other styles of dance. Amy makes a comment about how an easy move is no longer easy for her and how frustrating it is. I wanted to go thru the TV to give her a big hug and cry with her.

This is the video of their dance. I want you to watch the beginning of the video before their dance begins.

I have both my legs but she makes a statement that hits home with me too. She explains it better than I can even try. Like Amy said about herself that applies to my life, now. I have done 289739872409 things for 24 years that took no effort to do but now it takes everything out of me and it is so hard. So hard.

Couple of weeks ago my mom, Nese, and I went to a Turkish wedding. If there is one thing I enjoyed doing at functions is dancing especially at a Turkish wedding. Before the accident I wouldn’t think twice about dancing but nothing was more upsetting than not being able to get up and dance. I cannot do even a simple step without worrying about falling. A lot of it is I am self conscious of it but regardless I can’t do what used to be so easy for me. What was even harder was having everyone around me encouraging me to dance. There was nothing more frustrating than not being able to do something that used to me so simple. That used to be easy but now it’s even hard for me to side step to someone clapping.

I know how easy things were and what it took out of me. Having easy things, like walking or brushing my teeth, take everything out of me is the hardest thing to move past.  There is nothing more upsetting than knowing something is easy and shouldn’t take effort to be the hardest thing to do. In that moment, I knew exactly what she was talking about.

Me dancing is not even close to Amy dancing but right now she is the only one who would sorta understand me when I talk about how things are now. There is nothing worse than seeing yourself doing something that you cannot do anymore.

Just try to imagine it… make my day.  Let me know how you feel with only the thought of it.

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