What’s happening now…

I am getting better. On Thursday, I had a general doctor’s appointment. I find it weird that I can’t simply say, “doctor.” I have to be specific about what doctor I went to see. I’ll back track just a little bit.

I saw my neurologist on Monday. I like him, Dr. Berdia. He is nice and very helpful. I like that he is helpful. His suggestions aren’t far-fetched. I saw him and didn’t get my results of the neuropsychology test yet. He will let me know as soon as he gets the results. I will, hopefully, see a psychologist. I cannot wait for that because I need a therapist more than ever.

My mom and I told the neurologist, on more than one appointment, that I am too emotional. I mean, I’ve always been that emotional person but I’m an “all over the place with my emotions” kind of person right now.

One minute I am happy and within, literally, seconds I am furious. I have no reasoning for it and no one understands it when it happens to explain it to me. I also have this, “I need to say it” thing going on. If I think it I don’t know how to hold in my thoughts and reactions. Most of the time I shouldn’t have a need to say out loud  most things. Sometimes, half way of saying most things, I realize I shouldn’t be saying this AT ALL but at that point I can’t stop.

So, out of all of this the Neurologist prescribed mood stabilizers- you know the ones that someone with bipolar takes… or schizophrenia… sometimes its taken for seizures… I do not have seizures… LOL. The doctor confirmed that I won’t be completely reliant on them and it’s only there for me until I figure this shit out (he didn’t quite say that. I made some modifications 😀 ).  Tonight will be the third time I take it. It hasn’t been long enough to notice differences but I hope it helps. Also, the doctor said this will give me the few milliseconds I need to make the decision of whether its worth saying something or not.

This TBI shit is so fucking hard. Anyone that says other wise, either didn’t experience it to my extreme, or HAS NO IDEA of what this entails. My guideline is this: If my doctors cannot give me answers of what I should be experiencing, what I should feel, or what I should do in such and such scenarios… Everyone else can get out of my face and stop talking.  You have no idea either. (-_-) I have no control, well, the same control that everyone else normally has. I’m not filtered. Nese, stops me a lot. My mom does too. I seem normal when people see me, doing normal things. I have do everything you do, mostly, the same way but it is the little things that you aren’t around for that is drastically different. I do have many childlike moments. So many…

Well, Thursday, I saw my general doctor to get a referral to get my sinuses checked out since the allergist told me I had no allergies. The allergist said that if I get symptoms of allergies but don’t have actual allergies, that I may have something wrong with my sinuses. Yeah, I have a referral to see an ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor). I haven’t seen one since I lived in PA and I was in elementary school for my ears. I CANNOT WAIT!! (insert sarcasm here)

I’ll keep you guys updated on how the mood stabilizers are going. 😀



  1. I took anti psychos and all I can say is they knock you and make you fffAt and if you don’t merge off them right, you’re brain turns into mush. Be careful.

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