Therapy Talk

Yesterday, I had my second therapy session. It’ll be a weekly thing now, meeting with a psychologist for 30 minutes. I AM SO HAPPY THAT THIS FINALLY WORKED OUT.

I’ve needed a therapist from the moment I left the hospital last year. Someone should have insisted that I see one, even if I insisted that I didn’t need one… but the past is the past and it is happening now.

My family has their limits for “Bahar’s emotional problems” plus their own shit. They are my family and they will say that they are willing to listen, blah blah blah, but everyone has a point of “Enough is Enough.” They got their own concerns and sometimes, hearing mine is too much. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it for too long. I’d be lying if I said I could…

They’re human and they aren’t perfect. I need/try to keep reminding myself of that. Nese has been reminding me when I forget. It is a nice reminder.

Ultimately, I am very excited to start my these therapy sessions. I now have: my journal, to write my problems. I have a therapist, someone to talk it out with. I, also, have my art mandala journal, to draw it out. emotions in check. I got everything set to get my emotions in check. So, it’s a win-win, if one fails, I got another for back up.


The new me, Update

Yeahhh boyyyyy

I can do this. I can do anything… despite the effects of this accident.

I gained weight in the past year. Not a lot but enough not to fit into old jeans. I got rid of jeans that I didn’t like anymore or I figured there was no point- jeans that were not fitting now. I kept a few pairs just in case something changes. The jeans I do wear, are my sister’s. Thank goodness for her jeans.

I gained weight not because of anything accident related… I gained a bit of weight because of my ice cream eating craze last summer. I don’t know why I was so into it but I was and now, I want nothing to do with ice cream. Oh yeah! I wanted carrot cake from Uncle Giuseppe’s, from anyone that looked like they would get it. It is delicious. Lol, I will be happy with that even now. Yum!! Just throwing it out there… (>_<)

I ate the shit out of ice cream and sweets but did not do the minimum of exercise, like walking. Just walking around, for even a few minutes, was not happening. I gained the little bit of weight, that makes all the difference in the world, but it’s because I didn’t walk as much as I did before. You may not be going out of your way to walk in your day but even the regular movement you’re doing, I am not. I am trying to change that… I need to take things slow.

So, my goal this month (I started this week) is to go to the gym to walk on the treadmill. That is all for now. I can’t run or do anything else because I simply cannot. I run the risk of getting off balance and falling on my face.

One time,  I tried to work the Elliptical and I didn’t make it past 5 minutes (-_0). I don’t know what would be better. I should try to do the Elliptical again, or start just continue to walk and work my way up to that stuff… Dunno. I’ll just keep doing whatever I can. It’s better than nothing.

clear the air, The new me

My life

For, I don’t know how long, my life is this for a while. It won’t be like this forever. I will get better one day and I won’t be able to use the accident as an excuse. For now, I can.

Someone telling me that I can’t use it, well, it is true. I shouldn’t be able to but it is kinda hard not to use it.

This is what I’ve become.

It may seem like I over do it but that is just how things are. I am what I am. This was true before the accident and still applies after. I am an individual that was blessed with a TBI and with that comes a host of problems.  Just because you don’t see my improvements everyday doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Maybe, I am harder on myself more than I believe. Correction: I am hard on myself. It’s everyone else that isn’t expecting much out of me. Ugh.

It’s so difficult to balance all these factors of my new life… I am trying to find a balance but it’s so hard. Whatever, I have to be patient… with myself.


clear the air, Update

Just to clarify…

Hello dear friends,

I just wanted to clear something up- I am not hard on myself.

I would like to let everyone know that I do not function with glitter and pretty things. As a girl, I do have my moments but not with this. I know what I am able to do and what I can’t. I know what will take time and what won’t. I know what I can handle and what I cannot.

I do not need everyone telling me what I should do now to get better, what I can handle, and how I should push my I am positive. I am more positive than you are about this. I know that one day this will be in the past and it’ll be like nothing happened to me but I cannot forget reality and what is going on. I am not always shitting on myself and making it seem like I can’t do something. You think I am but I am not. Oh! and there is no way anyone understands how to deal with a TBI and its effects- a doctor cannot give me straight answers… but you do? I know everyone cares, wants to help, and has good intentions but you’re not thinking about the whole picture. I think I can do more than I really can. My mother and sister are there to bring me down to real life and remind me that I may not be able to handle whatever it is I think I can do.

There has to come a day where I can make light of this awful event but at the same time, I do not remember a lot of the things that everyone else did and I should able to make fun of it. It happened. There is nothing more that can be done about it. So, please, don’t tell me I am not positive and looking on the bright side of things because it is you that isn’t looking on the bright side. I am more positive than you would ever know. Always remember this: if you see me out of bed, functioning, I am positive and looking on the bright side. Did you ever stop to ask how I am getting out of bed everyday and still functioning? I didn’t think so…

Happy Saturday! Remember: BE POSITIVE. (-_-)

Love, the one who still gets out of bed after all this shit has happened to her.