Rant time…

I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t say things have gotten better. They have. Things are so much better compared to last year. I have gained some confidence back in myself, which is much better than last year. I am being hard on myself, now, with the little things.

Last year, it was about getting the walking in and not getting tired in 5 minutes. Now, I have done that. I can walk some distance without it ruining my whole day…who am I kidding? It does ruin my day but I can push through the day and be okay. I gradually get tired which I prefer. I can walk without it ruining the moment of the event.

I’ll get there…slowly. This patience thing is driving me insane. I don’t want to be patient. I want everything to be the way it was. I want everything to be better and everything to be easy. I want feeling back in all of my muscles. I want to be able to run, when I feel like it. I want to be able to catch the frisbee while playing KanJam. I want my car back. I want to have the freedom of not having someone drive me around. I hate having to rely on others, even family members. I want to work again. I want my life back…

With that, my goal, in the next year, is to study for the Art Therapy exam for the summer. Take the damn exam, hopefully, pass it and by the next year find a job. Even if it takes me 2 years to find a job, I don’t care.

I need to get my shit together…I need to work on it like now. I just want to fast forward to being where I want to be in life. This is exhausting. Really fucking exhausting…

Oh, yeah!




  1. Today is Bahar day because I’m going to catch up reading your writs (when I have a break). Today is workee day.

    Anyway, although I’m not in your situation physically, I’ve been there mentally so I understand how you feel …because I was there.

    Let me tell you, things happen in their own time. It’s just all the shit we do now to keep us sane until then. The in-between stuff, the distractions, the little goals to reach the bigger goal, the crumb to the chip to the cookie -you get it.

    • You had a lot to catch up on! Glad someone gets it.

      I have to be patient with myself. It’s a struggle but I can do it

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