I have entered the life of someone else. I do not know this person anymore. I do not know how she’ll react to different scenarios. I do not know who this person is anymore. I know how she would have reacted before and what she would have done to deal with shit.
I am talking about myself in third person simply because I have to relearn myself. I have to relearn everything. I have to relearn who I am and what I am. The 24 years it took me to know what I am made of, well, I have to redo it in what? a few years. I may have written about this before but this is a big thing I have to over come. I have to relearn my mind and my body. It’s all up in the air.
I know what I was before but now? I don’t know if it still applies anymore. Sometimes old stuff applies but majority of the time, it doesn’t and because of that, I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. I, especially, do not know how to deal with the new stuff that I am faced with. I am finding out new things about myself.
When I first got home from the hospital, my grandfather had tried giving me a ‘new birth date.’ He said that I was reborn that day. His intentions came from a good place. I got upset and told him that my birthday was February 15th. I demanded that nothing change and got really worked up about it. Well, I get why he said that. I am, also, realizing that he may have been onto something. I am someone else. I am, in essence, the same person but at the same time, I am different.
I can see what I was before the accident. I, literally, see all those memories as if it’s someone else’s. They are mine but at the same time, they’re not mine. That is what I was. That was someone else and this person? not the same. I don’t know who she is. I feel like I am ‘reborn. ‘That is silly to say that way but there is no other way to explain it properly. That person before the accident isn’t present anymore.
There are a lot of differences- I can’t explain it but there are. I can’t fight it. I need to except that it did happen.
No one is going to believe me because on the outside, there are no differences. I may find myself back where I was but right now, I know that changes have occurred. I guess the changes I’m talking about are in the details.
I feel like I’m rambling… -_- I dunno if any of this makes sense. Ah well. Nothing I can do about it besides let it happen. It is part of the healing process, I guess. I can’t speed up the process.