My head or brain or whatever is in that skull of mine

Edit: I have been off the grid for some time now…here is an oldie so you guys don’t forget about me. I’m in Turkey with my grandmother at the moment. I’ll be in a flight home tomorrow so next week things will be back to normal…sort of. I’ll tell you all about everything next week!

There are little things that I have wrong physically but they aren’t things that are noticed right away  to cause a person to think that something is wrong. At this point of recovery, whatever is wrong with me is with my brain.
I probably have talked about this before but it is really hard. I would have preferred to have woken up from my coma and have everything wrong with me physically. But nothing wrong with my brain.

This shit is hard. Really fucking hard.

I don’t have control like I want or like anyone expects me to have over my emotions. As my therapist said, I have triggers.

For those that do not know, triggers are words or scenarios that I get angry about or throw a tantrum over. As much as I don’t want to be called a child, I do have childlike tendencies. I ask that my loved ones, that want to be there for my recovery, to know that I have those and I am not normal. I want to be treated like an adult until I prove to you that I am not responding like an adult. That is when you should change your tune. That is another story for another day.

I have been trying to gain control over this. I’m not at my best and I want to be given the credit I deserve in those situations, when I do try.

I try. I am able to do it but it is going to take time. It takes a lot out of me to make a change. If it is hard for you to change you ways, it is even harder for me. Even though I was forced into this situation that does not mean it ‘s easier.

Correction: it is just as hard or even harder because I have all this changes that I have to incorporate and fit into my life.

It is not easy. For the people that choose to be in my life, they need to be flexible and I don’t have time to wait for you to be ready for the change. This shit is constantly getting better with me. I can’t say this is how it is or this will work, I simply don’t know the answer.

The doctors don’t know. They cannot give me a straight answer. So I can’t give you a straight answer.

This brain is all scrambled. I am working on changes but it takes hell of a lot time. I can speed up recovery when it’s something physical I have to work on but this brain? I can’t speed up it’s recovery. I have to just wait… It is a waiting game.

If you’re up for the wait and the challenges that come with it, come sit with me but if you aren’t, well, I’ll see you if 10+ years, whenever that may be.


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