HAPPY 27th BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I wanna start by wishing myself a wonderful birthday…early. A day early. I would like to remind everyone that it is the second anniversary of my accident. Whatta day, my birthday. I don’t remember each of those events, the day I came I to this world and the day I almost left. The best day ever and worst day…25 years apart.

I also would like this chance to express how much I dislike Valentine’s Day because you make my birthday weekend too expensive to do anything. 👎

Oh! And a very Happy birthday fellow Aquarius, childhood friend, and new momma!! I hope you had a marvelous day with you’re little Olivia bean. ❤️🎈

I was just lying in bed thinking about how they’re gonna make a live action Beauty and the Beast and Emma Watson is Belle. I’m excited to see her play the part. Couldn’t have found anyone better. I approve…

Anyways, that got me thinking about how I really haven’t watched that movie. I think I may have once but I wasn’t into it. Either way, for anyone just tuning in, Beauty and the Beast, well, it’s my jam.

It’s probably more that I am going to get period that I am very emotional but regardless, I remember being in the hospital, one of the few moments I remember was that Beauty and the Beast was on ABC Family. My mother and sister left it on knowing that I love the movie and I believe I wanted it on. It had just started and as soon as the first song started in the beginning I started to cry.

I still cry thinking about that moment. I wanted the movie turned off. I think it was because I couldn’t sing to it. It upset me. I probably would be okay to watch it now. I can’t sing. I never could but I could get sound out.

Now? I can a little bit. I run out of breath and can’t catch it fast enough to a song now. So, I just mouth the words. I’ve come a long way, for sure. I think what gets me is that I was genuinely upset over this and I remember how I felt that night. It wasn’t nice. I, for the first time in that moment, didn’t want to watch that movie.

That moment was more than singing and the movie. It was about how I couldn’t do something as simple as singing. I know that might be silly (not that I was any good) but the singing thing still does, sorta, bother me. I just know how to control my emotions a little bit more now than I did then.

Many of you will tell me that ‘little things like that shouldn’t upset you’ and ‘look how far you’ve come.’

It’s when you can’t do the little things that you know should be easy. That’s when it hits home and really gets to me. Why can’t I do that now when i could before. It’s hard. Those are the moments that really get to me. Those moments would be hard for anyone.

Think about it. How angry/annoyed do you get when you can’t get something trivial done quick enough or just get it done? I know it happens because I used to get annoyed when something like that would happen. You get annoyed at yourself because, for whatever reason, you’re messing up and if it were another day, you’d have it done already. I, can’t get that simple task done because of this accident. I need practice. I cannot complete said task ‘just because.’

This is hard to explain, as most things that I talk about are. It’s hard to explain something to others that they will not understand unless they’re in it. I sincerely hope no one has the chance to experience this. It sucks guys. :/

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