Funsies

Missed last week…

I missed last week for a good reason…I think so at least. I went to Florida, saw my best friend, and had an overall rad time. I needed this. I needed to be out even if I sat around and did the same thing I would have staying home. Just being out is the main attraction. 

I had a good week and don’t have many pictures because I’m not good at that. But here is a few I did get and stole from Jenn. Enjoy !

   
         

I did have a couple selfie fails lol but hey, it’s an attempt. 😁

I hope everyone had a pretty fantastic week/weekend as well. ❤️

Feelings, Today

This week wasn’t all bad

Last week was an emotional week but not as emotional as one would expect? Maybe I expected myself to be worse when losing a loved one. I think things are harder when a loss is unexpected.

Anyway, moving on…I have been insanely frustrated this past week. I don’t know what it is. It might be the passing of Gpa but I think that is adding to an already existing issue.

I am physically okay. I talk and look the part. I look like I have it together and that is what everyone sees. For people I am just meeting or isn’t around all the time, I am a bit more patient. I know that they don’t know and they wouldn’t easily understand.

I talk at a normal speed. I walk at a functional speed that no one is gonna be wondering why am I that slow. As a result of those things, everyone makes the assumption that I am thinking fast enough, that I have my thoughts together, and that I have all the words at my disposal.

It’s nice that everyone thinks so highly of me but it does me a disservice. I may have the talk down it seems but my brain is not working as fast as yours. It might come off that I am functioning like you but I am not. My brain is slower than my speech. I can’t keep up. I get frustrated not because of the topic but because things aren’t at my speed. I get frustrated because the things you are saying to me are too fast. It is for me. You think you are slow but no sir, you are not.

I’ll work on getting the art up. I can’t make up my mind. Should I start with new? or back track? Maybe I’ll put up something new and when I can’t make something new I back track. I think what I’ll do is put up something new that I have been working on. Make note of the song that I am listening to or TV show I am watching. I’ll write about what I am feeling and what has been going on in the week. I’ll get it up and functioning soon…I just have to make decisions. I have become this indecisive person that is unfamiliar to me. Eh. It is what it is.

Feelings, Today, Update

It’s a sad time

On Friday, my grandfather passed away. He was in Turkey with my grandmother so he was where he wanted to be. It is hard but at the same time, we know he didn’t like the situation he was in. 

My grandfather was doing well after the chemo that he underwent to keep the tumor from getting bigger in his lung. The tumor had gotten smaller, that was a plus. He was doing extremely well during his chemo and after. He was very strong when it came down to it and you couldn’t tell he had chemo. He took care of himself. 

He went back to Turkey and Bulgaria to see family. While he was there he experienced a stroke and things went downhill from there. Just as much as we didn’t want this to happen, in the back of our mind, we knew this was a possibility. I think that seeing him on FaceTime every other day or so, made things easier. 

I had moments that I would get angry and annoyed with Grandpa, like the human that I am, but that never meant I wanted harm to come to him. He was a superb grandfather 🙌 I wouldn’t have asked for anyone else. 

What I have learned from my accident is that, no matter how much you know you need help, it is still hard to accept it. I don’t believe he enjoyed being cared for or helped to the extent that he was. My grandfather was an independent person. It is hard to undo that about yourself.

Thank you for everything, Gpa. Love you ❤️ 

 

Lol. He took that foto on accident when he was using the iPad to watch his Turkish television. 😆