Last week was an emotional week but not as emotional as one would expect? Maybe I expected myself to be worse when losing a loved one. I think things are harder when a loss is unexpected.
Anyway, moving on…I have been insanely frustrated this past week. I don’t know what it is. It might be the passing of Gpa but I think that is adding to an already existing issue.
I am physically okay. I talk and look the part. I look like I have it together and that is what everyone sees. For people I am just meeting or isn’t around all the time, I am a bit more patient. I know that they don’t know and they wouldn’t easily understand.
I talk at a normal speed. I walk at a functional speed that no one is gonna be wondering why am I that slow. As a result of those things, everyone makes the assumption that I am thinking fast enough, that I have my thoughts together, and that I have all the words at my disposal.
It’s nice that everyone thinks so highly of me but it does me a disservice. I may have the talk down it seems but my brain is not working as fast as yours. It might come off that I am functioning like you but I am not. My brain is slower than my speech. I can’t keep up. I get frustrated not because of the topic but because things aren’t at my speed. I get frustrated because the things you are saying to me are too fast. It is for me. You think you are slow but no sir, you are not.
I’ll work on getting the art up. I can’t make up my mind. Should I start with new? or back track? Maybe I’ll put up something new and when I can’t make something new I back track. I think what I’ll do is put up something new that I have been working on. Make note of the song that I am listening to or TV show I am watching. I’ll write about what I am feeling and what has been going on in the week. I’ll get it up and functioning soon…I just have to make decisions. I have become this indecisive person that is unfamiliar to me. Eh. It is what it is.