I know I need to be positive and have a good outlook on everything. Sometimes though, I have days that I cannot be positive. I am still human. I still have emotions. I still have negative thoughts. I am not a robot. I cannot be programmed to be happy and in a good mood at all times. 

I know I am getting better. I know it’s going to take time. I know being positive is something I need to be to get better but I can’t do it all the time. It’s exhausting. I am living whatever this is. It’s really tiring. Sometimes I just need to be alone. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. 

I know everyone is trying to be nice and make whatever I have wrong with me not a bad thing. But I am living this and sometimes I am not sugar coating what is going on with me. That does not mean I am not positive. That means I am seeing what’s wrong the way it is. I’m not pretending that all this stuff isn’t happening. Just because I am stating the realities of some things does not mean I am not positive about my recovery. 

I am positive about it. I know it’ll get better. That doesn’t mean I have to ignore my reality. I really dislike the word ‘positive.’ 

If you haven’t sensed it, I am not in a good mood writing this at the moment. I don’t know if all this make sense to everyone. 😕


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