The new me

Who is she?

I have been struggling with this just as much as my family has.

They don’t know how I am going to respond or react to whatever is said to me. They don’t know if I am going to like the cake they just bought. They don’t know if I’m going to laugh or cry watching the movie. They don’t know how I am going to handle people or new situations. They don’t know if I’m going to lose my shit on someone because of what they said. They don’t know if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. They don’t know if I am going to be stubborn and hold things against people.

Hell. I don’t know.

I remember who this person used to be. I remember what she has done and the way she acted. I know what I was. I don’t know who I am now. I don’t know if the same things apply to me as they used to. I don’t know if I am going to lose my shit on someone. I don’t know if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I just don’t know. It is all up in the air. I am learning new things about me just like everyone else. I have the body of old Bahar and I have a similar brain yet it’s so different. There’s someone else’s brain in that skull of mine…

Lately, I get upset when I’m asked how I am in certain situations. I don’t know what I am capable of. I don’t know how certain scenarios will affect me. I don’t know what I will do or won’t do. We’ll both be surprised.

Hope you like surprises!

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