I know everyone knows that I am in fact a human being but they seem to forget that I still have feelings/emotions. Just because I had this accident happen to me and I have all this stuff wrong with me doesn’t mean that I can handle whatever it is you’re going to say to me. I also say things that aren’t the nicest. I know that. I can be abrasive, mean, and a straight up bitch.
I see it as, if I don’t tell you what/how I am feeling, about whatever is being talked about, you won’t know. That goes along with this: you won’t know my leg hurts unless I tell you. I’m not the same person as before the accident. Yes, there are traces but I have to get to know who I am now and so do you. The only way we can start figuring this out is by me telling you what is going on. I have to because I don’t know. I can’t say ‘this is how it is’ because I don’t know if this is how it is. It’s going to take a long ass time. Either you can help me figure out what my new normal is or … just leave me alone.
I want everyone I interact with to tell me what is going on. No matter how mean. I can handle it despite what my family tells you. BUT I want things I can work on and make better. Tell me what I did wrong to you and give me suggestions on how to change it so I don’ t do it to someone else. Don’t talk down to me. I don’t want to me told what I am doing wrong just for the sake of being told I’m doing something wrong. Be productive. Don’t assume that I don’t know anything either. This whole thing is a disaster waiting to happen. The fine line can no longer be seen.
The only reason that’s a problem with family is because they don’t tell me the things I am doing wrong until it is going wrong. I don’t want to hear it then. I am just angry and not open for feedback. If it’s done when I am calm and asking for feedback, I’m open to it. In fact, I will do my best to understand and apologize if need be.
I can’t handle my emotions automatically better just because I was forced into this situation. In truth, I handle my emotions in a pretty shitty fashion, worse than you already do. I have a higher chance of becoming depressed before you, so let’s watch it, eh? I don’t have it together…Thanks. My brain’s wiring and its chemical transfers aren’t the way they should be. If you think they are…you are mistaken, my friend.