3 weeks…

It’s been three weeks since I last went to see my psychologist. 3 weeks. 

I realize lose my shit with people if I only miss a week. This has been 3. Christmas and NYE are part of the problem. 

Not that I talk about all my problems that I encounter during the week but whatever my issue in the end, I have an outlet. 

When I don’t have an outlet for more than a week, I don’t know what to do. 

Let’s be real, I see someone because everyone around me have lives. They don’t have time nor the energy to listen. Not that they don’t care, they simply can’t, or so I’m told. I’m sorta okay with that but it’s life. Family members all want to solve my problems for me that they forget to just listen. That I sorta have a problem with to but for another day. 

This is going to go on for the rest of my life. This isn’t going to get better. I’m going to adapt. I’m going to learn how to deal with people, slowly but surely. But I won’t be able to ever deal with everything on my own. I need to unload. I have to talk about myself and everyone around me. I have to talk about how I feel, good or bad. 

Everyone needs this but it is different. I don’t know how else to explain it. 

Everyone will turn to me and say “I know how you feel” or “everyone feels like that.” Yes, I can agree with that. Let me also remind you that I do remember how things were before my accident. I know how things were dealt with when I was normal. It’s you that doesn’t know my side. I get it, people don’t know how to relate to me anymore. People aren’t. We won’t ever have the same problems, ever. We won’t even come close to knowing what the other feels, at what intensity. 

I will always need my therapist. I will always need someone to listen to me without trying to relate to me. I will always need someone not to fix my problems. I don’t want anyone to have advice for me. I just need your ears. 

That’s all I want. I want you to listen. Let me talk. Let me unload. That’s all I want. 

Since I no one can handle my shit, I’ll pay for someone to handle it…or have my insurance do the work for me. 

Good day, ya’ll! 

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