Feelings, Update

Strong personality?

Do you ever wonder if good or bad things happen to people for a reason? Or do you believe it’s just a coincidence? 

Is it karma? Or is it God? or are you chosen because you’re stronger than others? Or is it just bad luck?

Regardless of how events happen, some people are better equipped than others. Some learn something about themselves or see life in another way. There are the other few that don’t learn anything or see that they can learn from the experience. 

Every situation, good or bad, can be learned from. 

What I’m trying to get at is that I’m kind of a special person. Not to be full of myself but I’m handling this well. I surprise myself sometimes. 

I do have high expectations of myself. If you know me, you know this to be true. I have my own standards. Anyone else’s expectations of me? I simply don’t care. 

Either way, I think I have a strong personality. I can handle more than others, definitely. I may be more emotional than most. I may yell, scream, cry, or laugh. I wear my emotions on my sleeve but by no means does that mean I’m weak. I can handle a lot. A lot of changes have happened and I’ve handled it much, much better than most people would have. 

I think God chose me as the recipient of this accident because I can handle it. Maybe I have some stuff that I have done wrong. Or maybe others around me have. Maybe I was chosen because of what others have done. Maybe I’m the one that can influence and teach others something new? 

Maybe I’m just unlucky. My sister and I were the the unlucky souls on the LIE that morning. Karma, perhaps? I don’t know…

Facebook always has interesting articles. Most are bull but this one I enjoyed because I felt like it was written about me 😀 

http://www.lifehack.org/345591/8-signs-you-have-strong-personality-that-might-scare-some-people
Well. I leave you with that. You’re welcome. Kbye

Update

Maybe not…

Last week I wrote about going back to school. I said I may want to go back for my PsyD. 

Nope. Not happening. I’d have to take my GRE. Nope. Not happening. Wasn’t gonna happen when I was in college definitely won’t happen after college in my current state. 

That’s a bummer but it’s real life. Some things are good in theory but you have to be realistic sometimes. This isn’t about being ‘pessimistic.’ It’s how it is. 

With what I have I can find a therapist job. Doesn’t have to be complicated. I can’t do too much all at once anyways. I’d have to take it slow with any job. 

At this point, I rather do something with my life that I love and get enjoyment out of. Yes, money does open a lot of doors but I dunno… I want to love life and enjoy what I’m doing. I rather not be sitting at home doing nothing. 

I have to take the first step and find what works for me. Taking the first step is the hardest step. 

Update

Happy 3 year anniversary!

28. Ugh. It was an age I wanted to be, once upon a time. Now, I want nothing to do with ’28.’ 

Here I am. Another year closer to 30. It’s bittersweet. Eh. It’s life. 

It’s 3 years since my accident. 2 years I’ve started this blog of mine. Hope you guys haven’t been bored thus far. 

My birthday is the day I was brought into this world. Bringing joy to many people’s lives, mainly my mother and father. But it’s got another side to it that will follow me for the rest of my life.  

I’m okay with it on most days. 

I remember when I came home from the hospital my grandfather made me a ‘welcome home sign.’It wasn’t anything special. He gave me a new birthday date because that wasn’t my day anymore. I remember getting so angry because that was my day. I didn’t understand it at the time but I’m with him now. I get it. That was my day but not anymore. I should have taken it. 

Side note: that day when I got so angry with him I hurt his feelings. He was so excited for me to come home and was in such a good mood. He wanted to make me smile. I hurt his feelings that night and my mother had to explain to him that I didn’t know what I was saying or what was really going on. 

I get so upset thinking about that day. I never apologized and I apologize for everything. 

I get upset thinking about how I acted that day. I regret not apologizing to my grandfather before he passed away for that day.

Happy birthday to me. I thank everyone for everything they have done and their birthday wishes! Keep on reading! ❤

Update

Do I?

I want to do something with myself besides ‘concentrating on my recovery.’ This recovery process is ‘long term.’ I am committed but I am getting bored waiting.

I have my Master’s in Clinical  Art Therapy. I am very proud of this. Thanks to Dr. O’Malley, I was able to find something I was into. Now, I want something I wasn’t about before. I don’t know if you guys have noticed but I am stubborn and like to prove others, as well as myself, wrong. I got my Bachelor’s in psychology. I wasn’t really thrilled about getting my PsyD or PhD. I wanted something else that incorporated both my degree and what I enjoyed doing on my off time, art. How perfect was art therapy?

Now, I want to keep myself busy and I’m in the perfect state to put effort into my studies. I am currently not working and I’m home. I have plenty of time to put work in. I know I can do it. I can’t write fast. I can record the lecture, come home, and go over the lecture. I would be immersed in my studies and that is a plus.

I would be busy. I wouldn’t want to get my PhD. I can’t do the research. I’ve never been about it but I am all about the person I am dealing with. I can listen. I am capable.

The one problem? I can’t drive to my classes. I would have to make use of the bus system on Long Island or I would live on campus. I’d have to make that decision. I guess I wouldn’t mind the loan payments after I got my degree with a job. Heh. We’ll see. I will keep thinking about this for sure. Until then here is a picture…

  

Update

Speak your mind

Tell me what you’re thinking. Tell me the truth no matter how difficult. No. This does not mean I will not react to you in the moment. Either calmly or angrily. But I will go over it time and time again and apologize if I need to. Even if I do it in a year, I will apologize. 

I don’t have the time to deconstruct what you are telling me. I will misunderstand you and that usually ends in a fight. I will not hold it against you. I will appreciate the honesty. I don’t like the whole ‘that’s not what I meant’ senario. I’ll tell you now, I don’t know what you meant or what you were trying to tell me.

I rather you tell me exactly what’s going on in your head so we can just move past the side noise. 

Your emotions are your emotions. I have mine. I am not the person to tell you your emotions are wrong. You have them for a reason. Whether you misunderstood what I said or not. I have this feelings. Acknowledge mine and I’ll acknowledge yours. Be real. Be honest. 

Don’t bring up old issues you had with me 5 months later either. I will not remember. If you have something you want to get off your chest? Do it now or forever hold you peace because it’s unfair. I can’t apologize for something I do not remember. Do it now. 

Do it now when I can apologize for whatever I did or said. I can’t really apologize for something I don’t recall. Especially, if there was no actual fighting going on. I remember better when there is emotion tied to whatever is going on. So, the chances of not remembering are higher. 

Emotions are funny and easily damaged. Everyone for that reason, does everything they can to protect it. I completely get that because I have done that. Well, sorta. Either way, now, if you want to interact with me, you need to let your guard down. 

This is more for people that I’m close with and family. Not so much with strangers or acquantences.

Onto the next thing. Here are some mandalas for you to look at. Well, for all my Facebook and Instagram friends, you already saw these but I’m sharing them again.