The new me, Update

Overwhelmed…

Yeah, I don’t know why I’m as overwhelmed as I am sometimes. I do it to myself really. I set myself up for failure and I get all panicked when I didn’t get done all that I set up to get done.

I need to take in a deep breath and just let it be. That is easier said than done. Earlier this week started that way. I set up goals for myself for the day but I didn’t need to get it done and I was okay with that. By the time Friday hit, I was back where I started. There wasn’t enough hours in the day anymore.

I need to limit one goal for the day. Something big, like working on my Etsy shoppe, as my main focus for the day. Then the next day, working on my handwriting and so forth. I just can’t set goals up in a way that I can’t get them done. I usually set my day up to: work on my handwriting, my Etsy shoppe, clean my room, and organizing my arts and crafts closet. That’s only for a day. One already knows I’m not putting all my attention into one activity, therefore, whatever I did is half done.

I need to concentrate on one thing at a time. I need to take my day slow with getting shit done. I am not wonder woman. Not yet. I am working on her but I can’t rush the process. I know. Like I said just before, this shit is easier said than done.

I am also aware that I am the one person who always has a solution for everyone’s problems and am quick to offer my solution. I am aware that most of the shit I have said to people is easy, in theory.

I know what I should do and how I should do it. Nope. Not easy. It isn’t automatically easier for me because I was forced into this new life either. This is just as hard as it would have been before.

Also, when I do something in my day, I can’t do it in, let’s say, an hour. No. I need like the whole day. Who am I kidding when I try to cram in 3877348 things into the day? I will never get them checked off.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will start my day with the exercising bit and then clean my room. I’ll work my way from there. Small goals. One at a time. That is how I got myself to drinking only water. #proud 🙂

Funsies, Update

Friends…

Jenn,

Happy Birthday! Love you and I hope you had a wonderful day! See you soon…

Love, Bahar

I have come to the realization that I am not good at choosing friends. Even you Jenn, I didn’t choose. You were brought to me. Thank you, James Wilson Young.

I think that my downfall is that I overlook what everyone else doesn’t. I give individuals the benefit of the doubt. I do this way too much that I get screwed over in the end. I put too much effort in the friendship or family member that I don’t get the same in return. I don’t ask for too much. I don’t believe I do.

I am the one that is able to apologize when I did something to offend or cross the line. I am able to see what I am doing and how it’s affecting the person in front of me. I don’t always think I’m right (despite what others think).

What I think and know, for me, is right but I will listen to you if you listen to me, as I know I can be wrong. So, prove me wrong. Don’t yell at me and be mean. Explain it to me like the adult you are. I will listen as long as you keep your cool. Don’t put it on me when you messed up. I am an understanding person, so much so that I get screwed in the end.

This may be the reason why I didn’t open up to people. Maybe this is why I don’t become ‘friends.’ Because why bother? That’s what I would do before the accident. That’s what I was. Someone who doesn’t have all these people around her. She gets too close too fast.

I give people the benefit of the doubt. I do it way too much. I don’t regret it when it happens because I learned and won’t do it again.

 

 

Update

Physical Therapy

I wish physical therapy was still going on. I rather spend my time doing that. There are other things I want to do more at home like build on the wine glass project my sister and I started like two years ago. I wanted to spend the extra time time exercising and organizing my art closet. Those things though, can be done whenever. I can do all that on my own. I don’t need someone else to be there.

I need someone to be there with PT. I need someone to be around because most of the sessions revolved around balance. I can’t do things by myself.

My PT sessions were dealing with intricate maneuvers? I don’t know if that is the right word but PT was all about the details. Details that aren’t thought about by the average person because you just do it.

In the end, I want and hope my insurance approves some more PT sessions. 20 approved sessions are better than none.

Just when I was starting to see progress it all ended. That’s how the world works, it seems. If PT does get approved, I am going to make every minute count.

I started dancing. I started this past week to put in the Just Dance inspired, Michael Jackson Experience game. I figure it’ll get me moving and the goal is to be able to get some movement to music in without falling in time for my friend Joey’s wedding in June. I have a goal in mind. This way I won’t look like a baby trying to dance. Bopping up and down without moving my feet lol. Michael Jackson will help some, I hope.

That game is hard. The ‘easy’ songs seem to be the hardest. I try to do about an hour of that. I am not gonna touch Thriller for sometime. Maybe I’ll lose a bit of weight while I’m at it. That isn’t my goal anymore. I need small goals and that goal is to be dancing for Joey’s wedding. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

Smaller goals are easier to handle than big goals. Short term goals is more like it. Anything long term, doesn’t work for me and I have no urge to keep trying. Short term or small goals, keep me going forward. Next thing you know, you have accomplished more than you would have if you set high standards for yourself. It feels so good to get things done that you’ve been wanting to for like 5 years.

Go small, guys. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Sometimes you set yourself up for failure before you even begin. Being realistic isn’t being hard on yourself. That is what I have been trying to do with myself. Don’t get me wrong, it is difficult to get myself into that mindset when I have been doing it a different way my whole life up to this point. I’ve learned you have to be your own cheerleader. It’s nice when others are cheering you on but it’s even better when you are doing it too. Only I can get myself to do something.

Ugh. I sound like a grown up. I hate it (-_-)

Update

What’s this?

All week I’ve been ignoring the signs of a possible cold. I went to bed last night with a scratchy throat and feeling thirsty. Woke up this morning really tired and stuffy ears along with the throat a bit sore. 

I have to go see grandma tonight before she leaves to go to the homeland tomorrow. 

All I want to do is lay in bed. Oh yeah, I’m cold too. It’s so nice under the covers. 

I shouldn’t lay in bed. I do have things to do. But I dunno. I’m writing this from my phone sitting in my bed. 

I’m a mess at the moment. What isn’t a mess in my life anyway. This is nothing. 

I don’t want to do anything today! I don’t wanna be productive. Nope. Not today. Bye.