…and so it begins…

Remember I was talking about lowering my Lamictal? Yes, it happened. Today was the first day I took the lower dosage and I already got into an argument with my mother.

I think I’m depressed and this lower dosage is gonna let me let everything out. I do know that when I yell at someone or point out what they’re doing wrong, they’re gonna go into defense. And then I go into defense and so on.

I don’t understand why it’s so hard for an individual to look into themselves and see what they’re doing. How the person across from them may be reacting to what was said by them?

I don’t know. The arguments and fights at home are going to increase, as they are already are starting. Yes, it is annoying for mom, dad, and sister but I wasn’t feeling good. I wasn’t happy. Everything was there and not dealt with. Not that fighting deals with anything but I felt better.

I now am going to go right back to forcing people to talk to me even if it is fighting. Well, back to real life…Now, I’m going to take half a pill twice a day. So, it’s always in my system. That’s what was being done with the 150mg.

It’s gonna be a fun roller coaster ride from in on out. Maybe I learned somethings while on the higher dose…Can I continue the things I learned? Can I control myself better? Or force myself to have control knowing that it is possible?

I think that I won’t right away? There is a learning curve right? Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery? I believe it is…It is hard to admit it. Once you admit it to others it becomes real.

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