Food tastes so good. When I’m sitting for whatever meal, it tastes not just ‘good’ actually, it tastes amazing. I may have wrote about this before but I may be explaining it a bit better this time…
One of the side effects of this accident is that I don’t have this hunger thing down. Is taste one of the 5 senses? I think it may be. That is amplified by like 1,000. Everything tastes SO good. I can’t get enough of it down my gullet.
One of the things I have to be aware of is that I don’t know when to stop. I don’t feel the feeling of hunger or being full after eating. That doesn’t exist. I eat until I am in pain. My side hurts when I eat too much. The side where your stomach lies, hurts. It isn’t a normal pain either. It feels like I have rocks in it and it might burst. It isn’t pleasant.
I have to be conscious about how much I eat. I have to be aware. Sometimes, I ignore it and keep at it. Someone else that knows this about me tells me to stop and they’re right. I should at that point.
It’s either one extreme or the other. Either I over eat or I don’t eat at all. Because of this not feeling hungry it ends up with me not eating fast enough (my food gets cold because I’m doing something else like talking) or not eating at all (I’m busy with something else that food isn’t on my mind). I have to be conscious about this too. I have to pay attention to the time and think about what I did until that time. I do forget I had breakfast earlier that day and it’s then I get worried that I went too long without food. I can go all day without eating. It takes about to 24 hours for me to feel hungry (I don’t know how long actually, it’s a long ass time) and that usually doesn’t happen because I try not to let it get there.
I do get upset when the person I’m with doesn’t take me having to eat seriously. I tell myself that they aren’t aware of what is going on.
I am not normal. There are a lot of little things that go unnoticed because you aren’t living it. Unfortunately, never thought I would say this, I look normal and it is a problem. I am treated like everyone else, which is great but doesn’t help me. There is a lot that goes on that you aren’t aware of that isn’t normal. Telling me I am doesn’t help me. It isn’t reality and can do a lot of damage. That’s for another session…