Update

Perfect day for snow

I haven’t been feeling well since yesterday. I feel like when I was younger and stayed home from school because I was sick but for some reason, it was even better when it snowed. I don’t know. When you think about it, if I’m sick, I wasn’t going outside. Just how life works when you’re a child.

My whole body hurts. It hurt when I laid down to sleep. Every time I turned in my sleep I woke up. I need a shower bad at this moment but washing my hands it’s uncomfortable. I should be going to the doctor’s. I should have went yesterday but I thought I’d be feeling better by now (usually works that way). I suppose I could go to the Urgent Care facilities. Maybe I’ll do that…

I want cookies. I want to bake something but I should probably rest? There are so many things I want to do. This especially happens when I get sick. It’s the side effect of being sick. It automatically triggers boredom. Sitting on this chair at this moment hurts. Ugh…getting sick when you get older is the worst. It isn’t fun to stay home anymore.

I have been thinking about our Etsy Shop. I do all this thinking but nothing comes of it. I don’t know how to get these glasses sold. The requests we’ve gotten has been word of mouth. Those don’t go through the shop so it looks like we haven’t sold anything and as a result, we haven’t gotten any reviews. It’s a hard life trying to get something sold and get your name out there. We want to sell other things besides wine glasses. I should stop being lazy and get my art going. Maybe pick out some pieces that I’m proud of or work on something so it’s better looking? That’s what I’ll be doing today. Be in pain, work with my art and have cookies…More like have someone bring me cookies… 😀

Thanks guys for listening today! Here is the link for our Etsy shop… If you’d be a doll and share some thoughts with us. Things you like so far and don’t. What would you be interested in seeing in the shop? How are the prices (this has been my biggest problem)? Please, any feedback would be fabulous.

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Update

Lamictal 2.0

The weekend has come to an end. We have lived to see another day. How amazing is that? I think it’s a sweet victory that should be celebrated with a quick nap! 

I’ve been going back and forth with my medication. It’s a love hate relationship we have. At this moment, I love it. 

The 125mg of Lamictal or rather, Lamotrigine, is a nice compromise. Any more than this I don’t want it and hopefully I won’t need another increase. I have feelings like a normal human being. I can cry. I laugh and feel the joy that comes with it. I get angry or annoyed but can put that aside if I want to. I feel like I have a choice about what I want to feel. I don’t feel like a robot. I don’t feel like there is this black cloud following me around. I feel good. 

I feel like I’m in a better place than I have been. I enjoy what I’m doing. I enjoy my alone time as well as doing something. I enjoy the people for being around. I feel. That’s all it is really. I’m happy to just feel. I feel loved and loving someone else. I feel sad or angry. I feel joy. I don’t know how else this can be explained to someone who hasn’t been on some kind of medication like that. 

I get it. I understand why people don’t want to be on their bipolar medication or medication in general. Everything they know about themselves don’t exist. They don’t have the emotions that is them. They don’t feel anything. There is nothing called ’emotions.’ You become this robot and I can imagine how difficult it is to have someone in front of you not believeing a word you say about it. That’s when individuals stop taking their medication. All because they simply don’t feel like themselves. 

My situation is nothing compared to many in hospitals or homes but it’s something. No matter how small it still gave me an idea of what it might feel on a bigger scale. Feeling as frustrated as I did I can only imagine what others may feel. It’s got to be incredibly frustrating. Especially when you can’t even explain to the person what’s going on. The frustration I feel just thinking about it is nothing to what others must feel. 

There are different sides to every situation. Always. On a personal level it has to be insanely frustrating for all parties involved but I can understand the patients a bit better than before. 

Feelings, Today, Update

The holiday season is here!

Let the holiday season begin! Well, it started already lol I’m a bit late…

I imagine shopping at your computer in the comfort of your own home being the best option. More and more choose to do just that. I rather be in my pajamas while shopping 😀 Bring on the holiday movies! Oh and the hot chocolate 🙂 

Didn’t have any customers at our Etsy shoppe but we will one day! Gotta stay positive, Right?

I seem to get bummed when I don’t have people reading my blog…I didn’t think I’d have that reaction but I want people to read it. I feel like I don’t have interesting things to write about or I’m boring people. Lol. I dunno. I’m bummed. 

I guess people aren’t going to be *too* into it when you’re just complaining about life or talking about things that go on in everyone’s lives. 

It’s hard work coming up with stuff to write about that will keep people interested. I can barely keep up with having an entry written the same day and time every week. That may be why people lose interest? I need to be consistent. 

I’m not sure how bloggers do their thing. How they come up with new ideas that are interesting to their readers. 

I have started so many things and have many ideas. I do it for a little bit and then I try to change it or ‘make it better.’ That causes me not to be as committed to it. I put it off and the next thing I know, I’ve failed…myself. Lol I’m hard on myself. Totally aware of it 😀

I just want better habits. I need to make my own goals important. I need to do it without putting thought into it. I wish habits became habits over night. 

That’s one thing I miss after coming home from the hospital three years ago. If I thought of something, I did it. I had to because I ran the risk of forgetting or not doing that task at all. Now? I’ve progressed. I am better. But I did not make this into a habit. I didn’t realize what I was doing and what it meant. 

I still forget. I have learned ways to cope with forgetting. I have ways to help so I don’t have to rely on my memories 100%. I don’t have an excuse. But I am finding that even though I don’t have an excuse, I bypass whatever I had planned. 

Maybe that’s a good thing that I can go off course? I dunno. I have learned that it’s not the end of the world if I do go off course. Maybe that’s why I do that. It isn’t a bad thing but I get disappointed in myself when I haven’t done the things I intended to do; I didn’t prioritized the things that are important to me. 

That then has me questioning whether or not what I think is important is truely important. I keep going back and forth about this. I have been trying to make sense of everything out but it’s hard. And I know, I know, ‘no one has life figured out.’ Were on the same course, you and i, in boats. It seems like we have the same boat but we don’t. My boat has been thru a hurricane. It brought me this far but it’s been places your boat hasn’t been. 

It is what it is and I’ll figure it out one day. I’ve got plenty of days to figure it out. Or I shouldn’t get stuck on it? Enjoy those days instead because I don’t know how many days are left in this game called Life.