I’m gonna use this time to document what/how I feel after using 200mg of lamotrigine. I’m going to let you know how I feel for the next two weeks. I hope I don’t feel any different but I’m gonna assume that I won’t be a regular human being. We’ll see how things go.

I was supposed to start the higher dosage on Thursday, after my appointment with my neurologist…but I didn’t. I didn’t because I wanted to enjoy my friend Craig’s wedding on Sunday. I did have a blast and now it’s done. I’m home and I started taking the higher dosage tonight. I hope it doesn’t make me feel any different than I do now. Of course, I won’t know after a day or two.

In two weeks, I’m supposed to call and let the doctor know how things are going. I have a feeling that I’m going to be telling him that I hate how I feel overall. I don’t think it’ll be good. I’m gonna give it try and see what happens.

I feel like I’ve signed my life away but I’ll try to keep an open mind. I asked Matt and my parents to keep tabs on how I am. We’ll see…who knows? Maybe it won’t be bad at all or maybe I’ll hate every moment of it.

Apparently, no one liked me being emotional lol with that it kind of feels like no one ever liked my emotional self. Gotta make everyone else around me happy, right? Gotta bite the bullet and hope for the best. Who knows? Maybe I’ll like myself being someone else who isn’t me…

I understand why others might not want to be on mood stabilizers. You’re not ‘you.’ It’s hard to explain it to someone else who hasn’t been faced with it. Maybe that means there is something wrong?

I’m just gonna go with that no one liked me before or after. Heh. Whatever.

🙌🏻wish me luck!


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