Funsies, Update

Happy 4th!!

Ahh! To be alive to see another 4th of July! I hope everyone had a stellar day! I spent mine in good company, at the pool, and played some Monopoly. Drove around and now, I stand with my parents waiting for the sun to set and fireworks to begin.

Here are some pictures of our firework show: 

So, it was brought to my attention that my next birthday will be my 30th. ::shudders:: I am no where close to where I thought I would be at this age. It’s fun while it lasted. I have years to catch up to everyone. Time will come. I can’t remember if I wrote about it before but we’re all headed to the same destination. I am just taking a different route to get there. There is still time for the big 3-0. I should just enjoy these days lol. 
Oh so I attempted to run at the gym last week. I did it twice. I tried running no more than a minute. I didn’t lol it was sad but I’m paying the price. My right knee is the weak one. When I walk up the stairs or do squats, my knee clicks. If I do a lot of squats my knee gets swollen and hurts a little. But running made it worse. 

I have to ice it. It burns and it feels big. But I want to tell you about what it’s like to ‘run.’ I can’t. My knees are insanely weak. After like 15 seconds, my knees buckle, I suppose. My knees turn into one another. 

I forgot to mention that I have to ice my ankles, too. They’ve been affected by the ‘run’ as well. My knees and ankles don’t know how to be knees and ankles. They are so weak. I don’t know how they carry my weight.

I want to run and get better at it because I want to be active. I want to get into running since I have to work on that anyway. I dunno if that makes sense. I just wanted to run. I want to do things that I can’t do. I hate that. But I wanted to become a runner. I still want to. When I go to see Dr. Berdia, I’m gonna ask for a referral for PT. Maybe they can teach me to run. My running dreams have been put on hold. 

I want to tell you about my Etsy shoppe. I wrote about it before. I’m asking those who read this, to check it out! I’m slow at updating and adding new listings. I’ve had the same listings for some time now…I’ve had 6 sales. If you see something you like, buy it 😁.  If you’ve got an idea, share it with us and we’ll do our best. I am slowly adding some artwork. 

Kaya Creationss is the shoppe. If buying wine glasses or Pinocchio isn’t your thing, well, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave comments on what you think we should add or subtract. What could be done better. Anything. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you guys!! 

Today, Update

In this moment

Eid Mubarak to everyone celebrating today! Bayraminiz mubarek olsun!! 😘😁Have a splendid day!  

Here we go talking about driving, feelings, and driving…again. It bothers me from time to time. I have my highs and lows regarding driving and other people. 

I miss driving. I have many moments where I wish so badly to have my car. I miss the freedom that comes with driving. I miss driving with the windows down. I miss the music blasting. I miss being alone and just driving for no reason. I miss calling Hazar and Onur to go where ever when no one else was available. I miss being the cool cousin. I miss not having to rely on others to get me places. I miss having people hang out with me because they want to; not making me feel like a burden. I miss planning things. I miss going wherever I wanted when I wanted. 

Knowing you can do whatever you want when you want it, allows you not to feel that you’ve missed something or have to do said thing. 

Everyone has choices. Everyone can do whatever they want, as well as I…but I have to wait for others. I long for the car rides I used to go on. 

It isn’t about physically going out, driving or going out to eat all the time; it’s about knowing you can, when you want. I guess you can say I miss having that option. 

Friends and family don’t understand why I jump to whatever it is they suggest without thinking twice. I look for those moments because I don’t get them often. I don’t get moments where you want to do something. 

I wish I could drive again and let me stop you. I don’t want to hear for the 737283 time that I can. That I can do whatever I put my mind to, blah, blah, blah. There is nothing more frustrating than someone telling me I can do something that I truest can’t. 

I can’t drive myself alone or with others in the car. Do you trust me to drive you around? Will you give me your car to practice in? I look like I can right? There is nothing more irritating…well, actually not being able to do it may be worse. Lol

clear the air, Today, Update

Question

I wear glasses. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t have traditional lenses. I have prisms. My eyewear is to bring the two images I see closer together. It isn’t perfect because the one image is crooked. 

My brain, for whatever reason, doesn’t merge what I see together. I have learned to ignore one image and the glasses bring what I see close enough that it’s easy to ignore. 

Not every eye doctor or eye place does prisms as Dr. Fisher does. She deals with more than just bad eye vision. When I went to my last appointment, I was told that I was near sighted but it wasn’t bad enough that I needed new lenses. 

Ok so, I have trouble reading things from a certain distance and size. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t bother trying to read, I ask. When I went to the appointment, I told her about this. She told me that I don’t have to have my lenses changed but if I wanted it; it’ll get done. 

I had them changed and now it’s taking some getting used to. I feel nauseous at times. It’s weird. 

Now, my question or rather questions for those that wear glasses, are: 

  1. Is it normal to feel nauseous?
  2. If so, does it go away? 
  3. There are times that I have to refocus my eyes when looking at something close (that sometimes doesn’t go away even after I do that) Is that normal? 
  4. How do I know if it helps or doesn’t help?

I feel that these might have basic and obvious answers but I naturally doubt myself. Feel free to let me know if what I’m experiencing normal. lol I’d appreciate it. 

Update

Been busy

I’ve been slowly getting busier with my stuff. It feels good. 

Dad’s been home since his accident. So, he’s home keeping himself busy with cooking and cleaning as much as he can. He’s also fasting during Ramadan so keeping busy passes time quicker than usual. While he’s been doing his own thing I’ve been doing my own…slowly. I like it. 

I’m working my way thru it all. Adding something new to do. I don’t want to freak myself out. I’ve been working on some art throughout the week. So far only one piece has been on the table. I’m being a perfectionist. It’s taking me forever to do one Mickey Mouse. 

It’s a Mickey Mouse picture that I had drawn in middle school. It was an Andy Warhol themed project. I did this in 7th grade (My Mickey Mouse obsession goes back to my toddler years). Every Mickey was a different color with different art material used. Right now I’m doing an acrillic one in his traditional color scheme, red, black and white. It’s not bad. When I’m done with them I’ll be putting them up for sale on Etsy. 

I’m debating whether or not I should frame them or not. I probably will. I have to commit. One commitment at a time. Can’t overwhelm myself. 

Jenn also suggested that I make wedding themed wine glasses. Which doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I have wine glasses that I haven’t done anything with yet. This week is Mickey, wedding themed glasses, and getting my glasses. 

I have yet to pick up my glasses from the eye doctor. It’s been like a month. It doesn’t help that it’s like 45 mins to an hour away. We get lazy. I get lazy and I have to ask someone to take me because dad can’t drive and mom is at work during the day. I got my eyes checked up on about a month ago. My eyes haven’t changed too much enough for me to notice. This pair of glasses will have regular lenses like others have and my prisms. It turns out that I’m near sighted. As I get older, things are changing. My mom and sister are. My father is a combination, I believe. Either way, I’ve caught up to the rest of the family. I’m no longer left out completely from the world and can relate to others 🙂

Here is the latest version of Mickey: 

👍🏻

Update

Ahhh! 

So my best friend…my other half, is engaged! I’m talking about my dearest friend in the entire entire world, after my actual sister, is engaged to Mr. Dean Guiler! Finally!

I’m so happy that this day had come! It makes me very happy. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead of them and I can’t wait to party hard! 

Congratulations, dearest Jenn and Dean. I love you both, oh so very much ❤️I’m looking forward to your wedding…please, I don’t want to wait another 6 years for this to happen 😉

When will I get engaged or married? Not sure. Maybe when I’m like 32 or 33 lol hopefully sooner. Then again tho, I won’t be doing it ‘the right way.’ 😂 Gotta love religion and traditions…

I have been late with my entry because the only thing on my mind was Jenn’s engagement and I wanted to write about that. I had to wait for it to be announced on social media before I could write about it. And here we are. 

I’ve known Jenn since I’ve moved to this Island in 2000. I’ve known her for 17 years. Damn, that’s a long time. There are a few people that I’ve been friends with the longest and mean the world to me. She is one of them. 

Jenn has been there for so many things in my life. She’s been there for many milestones, good, bad and the ugly. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Here’s to another milestone. I couldn’t be happier that Dean is your person. He sort of is the best. Cheers to you both! The next time I have champagne will be at your wedding. 

Oh and Dean, it was a good call on your part not telling me before you proposed to her. I definitely would have spilled the beans. Jenn knows me too well to know when I’m keeping something from her and I wouldn’t have been able to keep a straight face, even thru text. I’m not even mad lol. 

Her ring tho 😍

I can’t even be jealous. I’m beyond happy. I’m not very good at expressing my joy. I don’t have enough adjectives to express myself. I wish I could just put a speaker phone in my head and have it play. 😆I don’t even know if that’ll be enough. 

Feelings, Today, Update

So far so good

Update: My dad is doing really well with his physical therapy and occupational therapy. He’s gotten used to walking with his walker. He wants to get better quick. Lol he doesn’t like being stuck in one place for too long. He’s gonna get bored sitting at home with me. But I’ll have a friend during the day to enjoy coffee with. My grandmother, hopefully, is flying to America on Tuesday. If she stays with us during her stay, she’ll be hanging with us too. It’ll be good. 

All is well in my world. Since my dad’s ordeal, I haven’t been occupied with my own thoughts long enough. It’s not just my father, I guess, I’ve been preoccupied with getting our apartment together before grandma gets over, if she decides to. We want to be ready and be relaxed when we’re home. 

Let’s be real for a few. My best friend is moving to New Jersey; May 1st. I know, I know. It isn’t far. No, it isn’t. It’s different. He won’t be around and easily accessible anymore. When I miss him, I have to plan to see him. He’s gonna be making the drive a lot, it seems. We’ll see how it goes. 

I’ve been so confused about my life. I’ve written a post about what I want to do and what I expect. I don’t know. I don’t know what I want or what I’m going to do about it. I don’t know anything. I say I know one day and the next I think about it. I somehow decide that it doesn’t seem possible now and give up on that goal for next time; when I can do something about it. 

I was talking about art therapy last night because I was going through notes and books. I didn’t want to get rid of any of them but I couldn’t hold on to them especially if I wasn’t planning on doing anything in the near future with them. Then I started thinking about if I wait then everything I know will be updated in some way. I don’t have experience so if I look for a job later they won’t consider me because I haven’t got the hours in to be considered as an option. All these factors I have to think about. The pros and cons are weighed; what’s worth the time. Am I dedicated? Am I looking for ways out? Am I willing to push myself? Can I do a lot more than I believe or think? Is what I’m thinking a possibility? The real question for me is: can I actually make it through? Will I survive the hours of work? Will I over work myself? 

All those questions and more go through my head about everything. These are constant about anything and everything in my life. These are the type of things that keep me up at night. These questions are why I doubt myself. 

Thank you for listening. 

                 ‘You asked me for space’

Today, Update

Delay

I apologize for the delay. A lot has been going on this passed week. Where to begin?

I was supposed to go see my good friend Joey last weekend. Good thing I cancelled that (sorry Joe). On 4/9/17, my father got hit by a car at work. 

Right now, I don’t have anything else really going on. That’s on everyone’s mind. Well, my mom, sister, and I. That and the apartment. All they did was put new windows in like a month ago. The apartment is a mess and we’re quickly trying to get it together before my grandmother comes to the States on the 25th. 

My father got moved to a hospital closer to home, St. Charles. That’s the hospital that I was transferred to after Stony Brook back in the day. He’s doing well. The first few days he was feeling nauceous because of a concussion. His ear was kinda detached from the back. They had to stitch that up. His pelvis is broken right where his right hip is. His hip hurts. He can’t put wait on it. So walking is a challenge. Surgery is done, apparently, on the pelvic bone in extreme circumstances. My dad’s was not that situation. With that, he has to take it easy. Pain management is his treatment at the moment. One day at a time. 

Today, we had someone quickly paint the living room and hallway. Now, we wait for that to dry and things will start to come together…I hope. 

I’ve got many things to do. I have to get myself together and do things during the week. I need wine. That’s what I’ll be doing. Cleaning and sipping on some Sauvignon Blanc. That sounds like a plan to me! Just have to get it…

I don’t remember when I changed my allergy medication to see if something else worked. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. It doesn’t. My doctor had written me a prescription for the new allergy medicine, Xyzal. I hadn’t heard of it at that point so why not? 

Mistake. Everything about it was a mistake for me. My sinuses have been HORRIBLE. I feel like my eyeballs are gonna pop out. My face is in constant pain. I feel nauseous. I can’t move my head too fast because than I’ll vomit. Everything hurts. I wake up nauceous and with that I just want to sleep it off but there isn’t anything to sleep off. It sucks. Monday I will call my doctor to write me a prescription for Zyrtec because it’s cheaper that way. That’s the plan for the start of next week. 

I have to get the kaya creationss order done and sent out this week too. I’ll be working on that during the week as well. I’ve got some things to do in the coming week. Again, before grandma comes to visit. We’ll see, maybe my dad will be home by the end of the week, once they teach him how to climb stairs. 

Update

Where are you nice weather? 


Couldn’t have asked for a better picture with my dear sister. 🙃😂😘

I want nicer weather than what have at the moment. It’s grey and rainy. Well it stopped raining at the moment but still yucky outside. Makes you wanna stay home in your pjs and binge watching Netflix. Alas, today isn’t one of those days. 

Today only began and I’m already wishing I was asleep in bed. My eyeballs are burning. Lol when doesn’t that happen? Never. I took day quil because I felt shitty when I woke up this morning. I felt like that yesterday too. My body feels sore and achy. I’m stupid cold and my throat feels sore-y. 

We’ll see what happens with that. 

So my sister went to Florida and I am super jealous already. Hasn’t even been a day and I wish I was there. Obviously guys, Disney is calling my name and I told my sister that she better think twice about going without me. If she does, she better feel super guilty about it. lol that’s what I hope for. lol I’m not very nice about this. 

Oh and Key West. I’d love to go there again. It’s so cute and little there. Key West is a place where you can relax, eat good food, and just have a good time. It’s an easy vacay. 
Well, this summer will be good if I have people to travel with and want to travel. I’m not doing that alone again especially not spontaneously. I need to plan it either way. I need more friends than I have lol 

‘Till the next vacay…here’s to the next summer! 

Funsies, Today, Update

Now what

What do I do? I don’t know what to do with my day sometimes. I feel like I should be doing something worth it in my day. 
Something worth it or productive could be anything, you say. Yes. It can be anything that is deemed ‘worth it’ by me. That can be anything from taking a shower or drawing to making dinner for the family with the slow cooker. These aren’t nothing, I know but it’s not fulfilling. 

Why does everything have to have a meaningful purpose? Why am I trying to put anymore worth in what I do? I am very aware that what I am doing is more than anyone expected and that I am doing so well…I want to do something that has more of a meaning. 

I want to help people. I want to change someone’s life for the better. That’s what I want. I have this longing to do more but nothing I’ve done has made me feel complete thus far. 
I keep looking for it and I’m falling short. I don’t know how to find it. Maybe volunteering is where it’s at. Maybe I need to finally do it. I need to stop being lazy and look stuff up. 

Ugh. On to another topic…Bates Motel. There are five more episodes till the series end. My sister and I caught up this passed week. Despite my frustrations and yelling at the TV, I enjoyed the show. Any show in which I hate several characters; I keep watching it regardless. Norman Bates is straight up out of his mind. Norma is just as crazy. It’s leading us to the Norman Bates we all know from Psycho. Which I like. I’ve never seen Psycho because obviously,  I’m scared lol. I will now.  I want to see what happens after the show is done. I’ll let you know how it goes with that movie. I feel like the scary scene is the shower scene in the beginning of the movie. I know it’s coming and it won’t be for long. ::Spolier alert:: We all know Norman is Norma and she is in the house. 

What a mess that guy is. Lol

Update

Slow down

Getting older is no joke. I now understand what the adults in my life meant when they said “don’t grow up” or “time flies” or “stop growing up.” Time, for real, speeds up when you get older. The day goes by so fast. Sometimes I don’t understand how it got to be 5pm. I remember being in elementary school and it took…forever…for the day to end and I can go home. Time doesn’t move when you’re much younger.

I went to France and Turkey. I spent 3 weeks in two countries and it wasn’t enough time there. In France, we did a lot but when I look back in a day we didn’t do too much with our day besides just going to the Eiffel Tower. Time is precious when you get older.

I’m sure there is some scientific explanation for all this. I don’t want to look it up (Here’s looking at you Chuck). I dunno what it is or how it is. I have an idea but the simplest thing I can say is that a kid hasn’t seen or done much (not that I have). Everything a kid does is new. Every situation is new and the interaction with others are new. As an adult, these aren’t new. We don’t have a lot of new information being processed by our brains.

My brain, however, as it heals, gets super tired. It gets tired because it’s constantly working to get better and a kid’s brain is growing. Our brain’s are at constant work.

When I’m in a situation that I’m not ready for or is new in any way, time doesn’t move fast enough. It becomes the longest gathering when there is a lot of new information much like when a child goes to school. They’re learning and everyday it’s a new topic. Time doesn’t move fast enough when your brain is tired.

The first example about France and Turkey doesn’t go with this because, even for a child, when you’re excited about a situation time flies. Time flies when you’re having fun but what I’m talking about is with the day in general.

It’s Saturday today and the next thing I know, it’ll be Wednesday and I don’t get how or when that happened. It would be nice if I actually did something with those days that passed. Summer is gonna be here like tomorrow and March is already half way done. I wanna do all these things in my day but I keep saying “tomorrow.” The next thing I know, it’s been two weeks that I have been saying that. At that point, I haven’t done what I set out to do.

It’s been 4 years and I’m still trying to get my life together. Here’s to getting older!

To Joey and Erin, Congratulations on your new addition to the family! She is gorgeous! Good job guys! 🙂