Funsies

Back up

I’m going to go back a few weeks to my cousin’s birthday. We had gone to a paint studio for a paint night. This was my second one and it was a good time

We went to one down town by the water. It’s a fairly new studio and it’s cute. We had some drinks and laughs. My sister, her boyfriend and I had to play catch up. Good thing for us they had a couple of breaks for the paint to dry some.

The only downside I saw was when it came to space. I don’t like painting on one of those stand things that hold up your canvas. They had those table top ones and I don’t enjoy those. I like painting and drawing on my lap, floor, or tabletop. I felt like everyone was too close to me. Lol

Here are some fotos of that night:

Look how talented we are! Masterpieces! 😬🙌🏻

It was a fun night. They had beer and wine that you could buy. They have a kitchen that you can buy appetizer like dishes. It’s a cute date night! It’s called Muse Paintbar. Check them out to see if they’re located somewhere close to you.

I’d recommend them. I would and no I’m not getting paid by them lol I’m telling you about them for fun. You’re more than welcome to paint together! lol you know where to find me…in the comments section! ✌🏻

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Feelings

It’s late

1:45 am to be exact. I’m going to die not because of a car but from the stress people cause me.

When am I gonna be the person I was before? The person that didn’t get close to anyone and wasn’t friends or try to be friends with people? It’s the ones that I trust in what they’re saying and give them more of my time that turn out to be someone I gave my friendship to them too soon or too much.

It sounds like I’m dating them. That’s what it feels like.

I have been frustrated trying to gain the friendship of another that doesn’t want to be friends with me. I don’t think I’m a bad friend. If I were, I wouldn’t have had as many friends as I did at my hospital visit. That just wouldn’t have happen.

Anyway, it’s hard being ‘friends’ with someone that doesn’t value it or consider you as one. That feeling sucks. Friendships and romantic relationships are not too different. Minus the ‘love’ grossness. It’s a different ‘love’ but ‘love’ none the less.

I can confidently say that I’m direct. No matter what it is, I can say it. If I’m telling someone else something, well, I have no problem telling you. With that, I expect you to do the same. One cannot learn from their mistakes if you avoid telling them. How is another supposed to know what they did wrong? How can someone be self aware if they don’t know what they did wrong to begin with? No one in perfect. Avoiding conflict benefits no one except you. It doesn’t ‘damage’ your Ego. If you were wrong, it does but if you were right, then the opposite happens. Self fulfilling prophecy has made you confident that you, in fact, know this person. But when you assume that you know people and you respond to the next person the same way, then you feel defeated. This causes one to retreat and prevents them from confronting again.

I don’t like doing that and don’t like it when it’s done to me. I have never had a reason to get mad about it. Nothing to get mad at someone for it. I will, however, get mad that you bring it up months or years from now and expect me to do something about it. Or use it during a fight that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. That shit is annoying. If you waited that long to say anything about it, it wasn’t a big deal then. I’ll be mad that it took so long for it to come out.

Especially nowadays, I genuinely wanna know if I do or say something wrong to someone. I want to know because I’m still learning myself and others. It only helps me. I can change the way I respond or act. I can not do it again. It teaches me what to be conscious about. It’s beneficial to me. It is. Now, if you start fighting with me without telling me, all hell will break loose.

I know how to say sorry and mean it.I make mistakes. Oh and I know how to forgive if you know how to apologize.

Moral of the story: I’ll tell you if you’ve hurt my feelings/upset me. Without a problem. Please, do me a favor: Tell me when I do something wrong. It won’t hurt my feelings.

Feelings, Update

Friends and Family

To friends and family members I've lost touch with and those who have tried to reach out in the past or recently, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry we lost touch/I didn't do my part in the friendship. I know, I know…life gets in the way sometimes. We grow up and do bigger, better things. Naturally, people grow apart. That's okay.

There are old friends/family that tried to reconnect with me and I didn't do much about it. I'm sorry I didn't. I'm sorry that you are no longer in my life. I'm sorry I didn't keep it up.

I appreciate everyone that came to the hospital or sent messages of love. My heart is so big. People from my past came out of the woodwork, individuals that I would have never expected anything from. It kills me that I don't remember everyone there or remember everything that was said or given to me.

My parents and sister have done the best they can to share what they do remember of February/March and onwards. There was a lot going on for everybody, not only for me.

I just wanted to use this post to thank everyone. Thank you driving up to Long Island from Pennsylvania and Middletown. Thank you for flying from Florida to see me. Thank you for making my family feel at ease. Thank you for the handmade gifts and gifts. Everyone knows me too well…Thank you for it all. Thank you for thinking of me even though we have nothing in common. I'm thankful for all that was done. I don't know how I could ever return the favor. Even though what you did was small in your eyes, it meant the world to me.

I have quite a few mandalas from those who got the chance to color one in for me. I have some cards. I have my Disney paraphernalia except the Belle that Stephanie gave me 😦 sorry Steph! I promise it was given a new home! ❤️

The world is small yet big. We're surrounded by all these people. There are people that think of you even if you don't think of them. People appreciate you more than you know it. Even if someone pisses you off they have a place in your life. Good or bad. Either way, appreciate them. You never know when that'll be the last time you share an interaction with that person. Unless they're a true psychopath or sociopath, everyone has some good in there somewhere.

Thank you and I love you. I, for real, do.

Today

Muse, Mosquitoes, and Friends.

Can I complain about these awful flying creatures that ruin everything? Yeah. I dislike the summer because of the heat and those pests.

I spent all day yesterday outside and I wish I hadn't. I had a sleeveless dress on with shorts under it. They got me where I was sleeveless and…on my chin. On my damn chin! Are you kidding me?! What kind of joke is that?! When I got home and I asked my dad to put anti itch cream he got mad at me that I didn't go out in long sleeves. Why didn't I take care of myself so I didn't get bit, he says.

I went out for a brief walk today after I got out of bed at 2pm. I'll leave that for another day. On my walk, my legs started to itch and burn. It felt like I got bit by a million of those devils but it's not. I think it was a reaction to the bug spray I put on my legs and arms after I noticed a mosquito bite behind my leg. That's the only thing that covered my legs up to where my shorts were. It's weird because I have that bug spray and I've used it before. This never happened! I'm definitely having a reaction to something other than the mosquitoes saliva.

I can't win. I just feel like it's never ending. One thing after another. There's always something. At least my life isn't as boring. Keeps things interesting, I suppose.

On Saturday, I went to Jones Beach to see Muse with Thirty Seconds to Mars and PVRIS. We've seen Muse many times. It's a band that I won't get bored of. I went with Jenn, Justin, and his wife, Ana.

I had a blast! I got to see Muse again and 30 seconds to Mars. You know, the band Jared Leto is the singer in? Yeah. The man does have a good voice. He's odd tho…Dunno but anyway, I had a great time, even if I don't show it much.

If you're wondering who Muse is…I'd head over to YouTube and listen to some of their songs. You probably heard some of their songs…Super Massive Blackholes or Madness. I have a favorite, Darkshines. Enough of that. I sound obsessive but I'm not even that bad lol! The other band that I've seen more than once is Brand New.

Oh! Fun fact: the only time I was face to face with their lead singer, my brain stopped functioning. I was at school. Undergrad at The University of Scranton. Brand New was the headliner of the yearly Spring Fling. Thanks to Jenn I was involved with helping out and we got to meet the band. He was talking to me more than just a 'hi.' Jesse singled me out. He didn't talk to anyone else and caught me off guard. He asked me my name. That's all I remember. I got all red in the face and my face was on fire.

People are all about meeting famous people, I wanna run away. I don't wanna meet a celebrity…in person. I can handle it in my head but that's about it.

clear the air, Feelings

I forget

I was in a car accident on February 15th, 2013. I was driving my sister and I to work. I was rear ended in traffic. As a result, my injuries involved my head. My sister suffered a concussion, as well. 

Fast forward to 2017, I am better. I am a worlds away from 2013. I can walk and talk. I can laugh and cry. I’m not at my prime. I can’t do a large chunck of things I used to do or that you can do. It’s okay, tho. I try to make it work for myself. 

I walked away with a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and an effect of that is short term memory loss. I have become very sensitive about this. It gets under my skin when my memory is challenged by, especially, someone that is supposed to know me or has some knowledge of my injuries. 

I understand the whole, ‘I’m not with you that often’ ‘I have a life that doesn’t always involve you.’ Trust me, I get it. But it’s kinda basic. This is the most uncomplicated problem I have. This doesn’t require a text book or doctor to explain to you what is going on with this brain injury. 

I have moments that are like Dory from Finding Nemo. You’re gonna say ‘that’s a movie,’ well, guess what? Shit like that happens. If you forget then why the hell am I held to the same standard you’re held at to remember?

Anyway, I repeat stories. I ask the same question, all the time. I don’t know what I last did with my glasses. I have to write things down. It’s to have said written thing at hand to make sure I have it at hand. I have to repeat things to have it in long term memory. Emotions I remember. A feeling I have is familar and brings back the memory. I’ll remember situations because I had a strong emotion tied to that moment. Strong feeling like sadness or anger. 

The reason for this post to explain that I’m starting to get angry when the person in front of me is talking to me like: ‘why don’t you remember?’ And they say it in a way or rather, the way I interpret is: ‘how can you forget something that just happened?’ I don’t appreciate it. It’s like a joke. No. I don’t remember. It would be nice to say it in a less demoning way. But hey, what do I know? How can I not remember? 

I’ve been taking great offense to this lately. The more it happens the more it upsets me. I do know that no one does it on purpose and they do forget, too. I understand that immensely. When I repeat myself don’t get angry and tell me I said that already. Don’t get frustrated. Without putting me down, gently, tell me that I told you already. Be nice about it. It can’t be a Duh moment became I don’t have those. 

The new me, Today, Update

New year, new beginnings

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and New year’s Eve/day! Two weeks have gone by and a lot happened already. Holidays have passed and a new year has made its way into our lives. Of course, I also hope Hanukkah was even better than the year before! 

I love all my friends and family; past, present, and future. I cannot express how much you mean to me. I’m sorry if I was bad at keeping up with you. Every now and again you do cross my mind. I do wish we still talked and kept in touch. You are the part of the reason I am the person I am today and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I might be out spoken and straightforward. I may be over bearing at times. I at times seem impossible. I’m sorry. 

One of my goals for this new year is to not let my stubbornness get the best of me. I’m gonna try and be less petty. I never thought I was but I am. I will wait years to tell you what you did wrong to me in similar situations you have with someone else. Lol I’m so petty it’s unreal at times. Either way, I’m working on making this change. It’s definitely gonna be a slow change. It’s unrealistic to give myself only a year for this change but the first step is the hardest. So, here I go. 

Being stubborn is something that only affects me. That’s what I’ve been told many times. No one notices what I’m doing. No one cares that much lol. Being stubborn affects no one but me. This needs to go. Again, not gonna happen over night but I have to start somewhere…right?

New year’s resolutions won’t happen over night. People seem to have high expectations of themselves… I sure do. Start with small changes. You will have off days. Give yourself some leeway but that doesn’t mean you give up. No. That means you must had a bump in the road. That’s all. 

I try to have this mind set for myself. I’m not gonna lie… It’s very hard. Changes don’t happen because we don’t want to put in the work it requires. It does take work. Sometimes I get tired of all the forced changes I have to make. It’s very hard. I get tired. I want a few days of not thinking. I don’t want to ‘work’ all the time so I have a few days for myself of doing nothing. It helps. It makes it easier to pick up where you left off and keep going. This doesn’t mean that failure took place but rather a break. A small break from whatever it is you were trying to change or do. Maybe a break is what you needed. Nothing wrong with that. 

Change is hard. I was forced into change but it doesn’t make it any easier either. Where all on the same path but in different vehicles. I’m getting there differently than everyone else. The changes that were forced on me come with its own issues. All these changes I wasn’t nearly ready for. I have to learn how to cope with it all. I have to make adjustments accordingly. What I thought I knew; doesn’t apply anymore.

None of it is easy. I’m just taking a different car. A rusty one. One that needs to be fixed along the way. I’ll meet you at the end but a bit later than you. No big deal. I’m okay with it. I’ll be okay if no one is there either. Life moves forward with or without you. Whether you like it or not. 

Your resolution may be to loose weight but don’t hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. Losing weight takes a good year. It’s a slow process but it will show itself. Give it time. This seems to be a common resolution that’s why I used it but it applies for any resolution you may have. I have faith in you. I know you can do it. It’s not only about resolutions either. It’s any promise you make yourself throughout the year. 

Remember: Change is difficult for EVERYONE. Start small and work your way up. It will happen. It’ll be slow and that’s okay. No one notices the mess ups as much as you do. Don’t hold yourself up to unrealistic expectations. Be good to yourself. 💕

Funsies, Update

Thanksgiving 2016

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone!

All of the country, everyone ended their dinners and headed out to get a start on their Christmas shopping…with the help of black Friday. I did not enjoy this black Friday because I did not have said funds to enjoy it.

There is always next year and for the ones that do not like venturing out into the world for discounts, they have Monday to get discounts from the computer. I don’t have funds for either day but I will be promoting my Etsy store, Kaya Creationss, for Monday. Yes, we have two ‘S’s because there was another Kaya Creations on Etsy. So, we had to go with an extra ‘s.’ I don’t mind for now.

We have a Cyber Monday code available for all those looking for a different take on their gifts; anyone that’s tired of the same ol’ gifts, come on down! We are still working out some kinks and trying to get more items listed at the shoppe. Slowly but surely we’ll get there, right? Better late than never…

If you are interested, visit and take a stroll at our Etsy shoppe.

We enjoy making custom pieces, so don’t be shy to shoot us a message. We don’t mind at all and we are totally willing to work with you on whatever idea you’ve got! My sister and I enjoy this part the most. Our prices for the custom pieces might be a bit much for some but I promise it’ll be worth it! I will be adjusting some of the prices for some items but for now enjoy this code for 40% off for Monday: CYBERMONDAY16

Make sure you enter the code at checkout as it won’t be added automatically. Oh and don’t forget to follow us on the Facebook and Instagram to stay up to date! You can contact us via Facebook, Etsy or by sending us an email at kayacreationss@yahoo.com. If you have a bulk request, we can work that out too! I don’t think I forgot anything…If I find that I did, I will let you know.

Now, back to the scheduled programming…

Thanksgiving was a good one. I spent it at my aunt and uncle’s house. We had our turkey and us cousins played Settlers of Catan. I never win in that game but I enjoy it regardless. Dinner was delicious, as per usual. Nothing too crazy. Was in good company for Thanksgiving. Always a fabulous time.

I forgot to update you guys on my latest neurologist appointment! I saw Dr. Berdia last Thursday. I told him about the few baby seizures I had. I told him about what was going on at the time, how I felt, and what was happening to me. He told me that my medication had to be increased whether I liked it or not. This time he didn’t bring me to the 150mg but wanted to see how I’d do with 125mg instead. Instead of taking half in the morning and the other half at night; he told me to take 50mg in the morning and 75mg at night. He said he wanted to see how I did with that before changing my medication completely. So far so good! I feel human. My emotions are still functioning normally. I don’t remember how long it took for me to get to the point of being a robot but right now, I’m awesome. Cross my fingers I don’t have a focal seizure at this dosage. I won’t be happy and my meds will have to change. :/ We will see…In the mean time, I will continue to be hopeful! I’ll see him in March next; I’ll keep note of any changes.

Well, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I hope that you got the deals that you wanted! <3.

 

Funsies

Missed last week…

I missed last week for a good reason…I think so at least. I went to Florida, saw my best friend, and had an overall rad time. I needed this. I needed to be out even if I sat around and did the same thing I would have staying home. Just being out is the main attraction. 

I had a good week and don’t have many pictures because I’m not good at that. But here is a few I did get and stole from Jenn. Enjoy !

   
         

I did have a couple selfie fails lol but hey, it’s an attempt. 😁

I hope everyone had a pretty fantastic week/weekend as well. ❤️