Today

Muse, Mosquitoes, and Friends.

Can I complain about these awful flying creatures that ruin everything? Yeah. I dislike the summer because of the heat and those pests.

I spent all day yesterday outside and I wish I hadn't. I had a sleeveless dress on with shorts under it. They got me where I was sleeveless and…on my chin. On my damn chin! Are you kidding me?! What kind of joke is that?! When I got home and I asked my dad to put anti itch cream he got mad at me that I didn't go out in long sleeves. Why didn't I take care of myself so I didn't get bit, he says.

I went out for a brief walk today after I got out of bed at 2pm. I'll leave that for another day. On my walk, my legs started to itch and burn. It felt like I got bit by a million of those devils but it's not. I think it was a reaction to the bug spray I put on my legs and arms after I noticed a mosquito bite behind my leg. That's the only thing that covered my legs up to where my shorts were. It's weird because I have that bug spray and I've used it before. This never happened! I'm definitely having a reaction to something other than the mosquitoes saliva.

I can't win. I just feel like it's never ending. One thing after another. There's always something. At least my life isn't as boring. Keeps things interesting, I suppose.

On Saturday, I went to Jones Beach to see Muse with Thirty Seconds to Mars and PVRIS. We've seen Muse many times. It's a band that I won't get bored of. I went with Jenn, Justin, and his wife, Ana.

I had a blast! I got to see Muse again and 30 seconds to Mars. You know, the band Jared Leto is the singer in? Yeah. The man does have a good voice. He's odd tho…Dunno but anyway, I had a great time, even if I don't show it much.

If you're wondering who Muse is…I'd head over to YouTube and listen to some of their songs. You probably heard some of their songs…Super Massive Blackholes or Madness. I have a favorite, Darkshines. Enough of that. I sound obsessive but I'm not even that bad lol! The other band that I've seen more than once is Brand New.

Oh! Fun fact: the only time I was face to face with their lead singer, my brain stopped functioning. I was at school. Undergrad at The University of Scranton. Brand New was the headliner of the yearly Spring Fling. Thanks to Jenn I was involved with helping out and we got to meet the band. He was talking to me more than just a 'hi.' Jesse singled me out. He didn't talk to anyone else and caught me off guard. He asked me my name. That's all I remember. I got all red in the face and my face was on fire.

People are all about meeting famous people, I wanna run away. I don't wanna meet a celebrity…in person. I can handle it in my head but that's about it.

Funsies, Update

Happy 4th!!

Ahh! To be alive to see another 4th of July! I hope everyone had a stellar day! I spent mine in good company, at the pool, and played some Monopoly. Drove around and now, I stand with my parents waiting for the sun to set and fireworks to begin.

Here are some pictures of our firework show: 

So, it was brought to my attention that my next birthday will be my 30th. ::shudders:: I am no where close to where I thought I would be at this age. It’s fun while it lasted. I have years to catch up to everyone. Time will come. I can’t remember if I wrote about it before but we’re all headed to the same destination. I am just taking a different route to get there. There is still time for the big 3-0. I should just enjoy these days lol. 
Oh so I attempted to run at the gym last week. I did it twice. I tried running no more than a minute. I didn’t lol it was sad but I’m paying the price. My right knee is the weak one. When I walk up the stairs or do squats, my knee clicks. If I do a lot of squats my knee gets swollen and hurts a little. But running made it worse. 

I have to ice it. It burns and it feels big. But I want to tell you about what it’s like to ‘run.’ I can’t. My knees are insanely weak. After like 15 seconds, my knees buckle, I suppose. My knees turn into one another. 

I forgot to mention that I have to ice my ankles, too. They’ve been affected by the ‘run’ as well. My knees and ankles don’t know how to be knees and ankles. They are so weak. I don’t know how they carry my weight.

I want to run and get better at it because I want to be active. I want to get into running since I have to work on that anyway. I dunno if that makes sense. I just wanted to run. I want to do things that I can’t do. I hate that. But I wanted to become a runner. I still want to. When I go to see Dr. Berdia, I’m gonna ask for a referral for PT. Maybe they can teach me to run. My running dreams have been put on hold. 

I want to tell you about my Etsy shoppe. I wrote about it before. I’m asking those who read this, to check it out! I’m slow at updating and adding new listings. I’ve had the same listings for some time now…I’ve had 6 sales. If you see something you like, buy it 😁.  If you’ve got an idea, share it with us and we’ll do our best. I am slowly adding some artwork. 

Kaya Creationss is the shoppe. If buying wine glasses or Pinocchio isn’t your thing, well, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave comments on what you think we should add or subtract. What could be done better. Anything. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you guys!! 

The new me, Today, Update

New year, new beginnings

I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and New year’s Eve/day! Two weeks have gone by and a lot happened already. Holidays have passed and a new year has made its way into our lives. Of course, I also hope Hanukkah was even better than the year before! 

I love all my friends and family; past, present, and future. I cannot express how much you mean to me. I’m sorry if I was bad at keeping up with you. Every now and again you do cross my mind. I do wish we still talked and kept in touch. You are the part of the reason I am the person I am today and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I might be out spoken and straightforward. I may be over bearing at times. I at times seem impossible. I’m sorry. 

One of my goals for this new year is to not let my stubbornness get the best of me. I’m gonna try and be less petty. I never thought I was but I am. I will wait years to tell you what you did wrong to me in similar situations you have with someone else. Lol I’m so petty it’s unreal at times. Either way, I’m working on making this change. It’s definitely gonna be a slow change. It’s unrealistic to give myself only a year for this change but the first step is the hardest. So, here I go. 

Being stubborn is something that only affects me. That’s what I’ve been told many times. No one notices what I’m doing. No one cares that much lol. Being stubborn affects no one but me. This needs to go. Again, not gonna happen over night but I have to start somewhere…right?

New year’s resolutions won’t happen over night. People seem to have high expectations of themselves… I sure do. Start with small changes. You will have off days. Give yourself some leeway but that doesn’t mean you give up. No. That means you must had a bump in the road. That’s all. 

I try to have this mind set for myself. I’m not gonna lie… It’s very hard. Changes don’t happen because we don’t want to put in the work it requires. It does take work. Sometimes I get tired of all the forced changes I have to make. It’s very hard. I get tired. I want a few days of not thinking. I don’t want to ‘work’ all the time so I have a few days for myself of doing nothing. It helps. It makes it easier to pick up where you left off and keep going. This doesn’t mean that failure took place but rather a break. A small break from whatever it is you were trying to change or do. Maybe a break is what you needed. Nothing wrong with that. 

Change is hard. I was forced into change but it doesn’t make it any easier either. Where all on the same path but in different vehicles. I’m getting there differently than everyone else. The changes that were forced on me come with its own issues. All these changes I wasn’t nearly ready for. I have to learn how to cope with it all. I have to make adjustments accordingly. What I thought I knew; doesn’t apply anymore.

None of it is easy. I’m just taking a different car. A rusty one. One that needs to be fixed along the way. I’ll meet you at the end but a bit later than you. No big deal. I’m okay with it. I’ll be okay if no one is there either. Life moves forward with or without you. Whether you like it or not. 

Your resolution may be to loose weight but don’t hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. Losing weight takes a good year. It’s a slow process but it will show itself. Give it time. This seems to be a common resolution that’s why I used it but it applies for any resolution you may have. I have faith in you. I know you can do it. It’s not only about resolutions either. It’s any promise you make yourself throughout the year. 

Remember: Change is difficult for EVERYONE. Start small and work your way up. It will happen. It’ll be slow and that’s okay. No one notices the mess ups as much as you do. Don’t hold yourself up to unrealistic expectations. Be good to yourself. 💕

Funsies, Update

Thanksgiving 2016

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone!

All of the country, everyone ended their dinners and headed out to get a start on their Christmas shopping…with the help of black Friday. I did not enjoy this black Friday because I did not have said funds to enjoy it.

There is always next year and for the ones that do not like venturing out into the world for discounts, they have Monday to get discounts from the computer. I don’t have funds for either day but I will be promoting my Etsy store, Kaya Creationss, for Monday. Yes, we have two ‘S’s because there was another Kaya Creations on Etsy. So, we had to go with an extra ‘s.’ I don’t mind for now.

We have a Cyber Monday code available for all those looking for a different take on their gifts; anyone that’s tired of the same ol’ gifts, come on down! We are still working out some kinks and trying to get more items listed at the shoppe. Slowly but surely we’ll get there, right? Better late than never…

If you are interested, visit and take a stroll at our Etsy shoppe.

We enjoy making custom pieces, so don’t be shy to shoot us a message. We don’t mind at all and we are totally willing to work with you on whatever idea you’ve got! My sister and I enjoy this part the most. Our prices for the custom pieces might be a bit much for some but I promise it’ll be worth it! I will be adjusting some of the prices for some items but for now enjoy this code for 40% off for Monday: CYBERMONDAY16

Make sure you enter the code at checkout as it won’t be added automatically. Oh and don’t forget to follow us on the Facebook and Instagram to stay up to date! You can contact us via Facebook, Etsy or by sending us an email at kayacreationss@yahoo.com. If you have a bulk request, we can work that out too! I don’t think I forgot anything…If I find that I did, I will let you know.

Now, back to the scheduled programming…

Thanksgiving was a good one. I spent it at my aunt and uncle’s house. We had our turkey and us cousins played Settlers of Catan. I never win in that game but I enjoy it regardless. Dinner was delicious, as per usual. Nothing too crazy. Was in good company for Thanksgiving. Always a fabulous time.

I forgot to update you guys on my latest neurologist appointment! I saw Dr. Berdia last Thursday. I told him about the few baby seizures I had. I told him about what was going on at the time, how I felt, and what was happening to me. He told me that my medication had to be increased whether I liked it or not. This time he didn’t bring me to the 150mg but wanted to see how I’d do with 125mg instead. Instead of taking half in the morning and the other half at night; he told me to take 50mg in the morning and 75mg at night. He said he wanted to see how I did with that before changing my medication completely. So far so good! I feel human. My emotions are still functioning normally. I don’t remember how long it took for me to get to the point of being a robot but right now, I’m awesome. Cross my fingers I don’t have a focal seizure at this dosage. I won’t be happy and my meds will have to change. :/ We will see…In the mean time, I will continue to be hopeful! I’ll see him in March next; I’ll keep note of any changes.

Well, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I hope that you got the deals that you wanted! <3.

 

Funsies, Update

Progress!

Hey! I wanna share my excitement about this… I dunno if I have shared this before about my dancing days with MJ. I’ll quickly fill you in: I am dancing to the Michael Jackson Experience. This game like Just Dance. You the dancing game on Wii…

Well, I started that, dancing when I can, to be more active but also to get some dancing in. It forces me to find a way to stand and move without falling. Since I started, I have noticed somethings:

1- The moves I have trouble with the first time, I can pull it off a bit better the second time. Even if a week went by. I won’t even be thinking about it and I can do the combination. This is the greatest thing ever. To be making a movement without thinking twice about it? Of course, like many things in life, as soon as you start thinking about it you mess up. But that is a natural event 🙂

2- When an event mentioned above happens, I cry throughout the song/dance. I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to stop the song because when I stop it’ll be hard to get back into it.

3- I can dance through MJ’s Ghost. There are hard songs to dance to in the game. I can dance the song on Medium, the background dancers. I want to dance getting 5 stars more than once before moving to Hard, or dancing the main guy.

The goal is to dance better (obviously). When I say better, I mean in my present form. I want to be able to more a bit more freely in time for Joey’s wedding, but again I believe I wrote about this before. That is the goal and I am making strides, guys!

Funsies

Maybe Sunday?

I mayyy change the day when I post. Instead of posting on Saturday, post on Sunday. Yeah, I am going to make my way to Sunday. Maybe then more people will read this thing. I don’t know why I bother with how many people read my blog but I do.

Last week, Halloween went by quickly and now it’s November. Time goes by fast when you get old…

I have been introduced to Elevate. It’s along the same line of Lumosity but I’m having more fun with this than Lumosity. Lumosity costs money if you want more games than what they offer. Elevate is free and easy. Everyday you’re given three things to work on. I believe they had categories you chose in the beginning. I don’t remember but either way, it is challenging. For me it is. I have trouble with paying attention and with my short term memory. This app is really reminding me how much trouble I’m having and how this is something I have to work on. Lumosity wasn’t like this. I dunno. I like this app and I recommend it. Fit Brains is also fun. I’d try them both out if you’re looking for something like this. I try to play this before bed and it speeds up the whole sleep process.

I am working on this brain of mine. It is rough but I’ll get there! Good day to you sir.

Update

Good afternoon.

My memory has been better 🙂 I still need some help but not as much or often. If I try hard enough sometimes, I’ll figure it out on my own. And of course having things written down help too. I have become self-reliant (some what) and using the things I have around me. I bring around a planner and a little notebook with me and I have my phone with me at all times. I have things around me at my disposal because I know I need it and why not? It helps me so I will bring it around even if it is a lot to lug around. My bag has to be big enough for these things but they do help so let a big bag be my problem.

I am remembering conversations I’ve had with people, which is so awesome. I don’t know if I can express how exciting this is. It is weird but awesome at the same time.

Oh, so, I am getting ‘hungry’ a lot more often now. Before I would eat because I would look at the time and say, ‘oh hey, I should eat.’ I still have to do that but every once in a while I feel straight up hungry. I do feel like I can eat everything but that isn’t the point. I feel hungry sometimes. That is awesome too. I don’t feel that often. SO that is a plus and I’ll take it.

IMG_6295It has been a while since I made this one. It is pretty to look at. Enjoy it with me. Please and thank you.

kbye.

Today

I have some things in common with a child…

I went to a friend’s wedding last night. It was a very pretty reception. I didn’t go to the ceremony because it was far and I didn’t have a ride that early in the day.

There was a little girl dancing. She had to be about 1. She was trying to move without falling and I was able to relate. I did attempt dancing last night and I found that it is easier to move and not move your feet (that is how this little girl was dancing). The movements are limited. Just bouncing up and down or moving side to side all without moving your feet. It is the easier option when it comes to dancing.

This action is super adorable when a child does it. I do not see this being a cute situation for a 27 year old…

A child has about, well say 18, 18 years until he/she is considered an adult. This child has 18 years to learn how to walk properly, how to walk with his/her adjustments, to be able to walk and talk at the same time, among other things that you don’t think about. That is 18 years to have complete control of all these things. Well say, 25 years to perfect.

I have to relearn all of that 25 years worth of stuff in a handful of years. Well, time is given. Maybe I’m trying to speed up the process but let’s say I didn’t. It took me 25 years to learn all that I did when it comes to walking or thinking. Anything really.

Will it take another 25 years to relearn it all? Or because I was older than a child, it’ll take another 25 years on top of that? That is a long time and it sucks getting old. You don’t recover as fast as a child. Everything takes even longer when you are older.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying I will not get better or I haven’t come a long way. I have. I have come a very long way and I will continue to get better. It is only up from here.

How long is all this going to take though? I am never going to be back to where I was. I will be close but by the time I get to 100% full functioning Bahar, I’ll be dead.

That is how those things work when you get older. Recovery takes longer.

Today

I missed last week…

Whoops. I completely forgot about this last week. It was Sunday by the time I remembered. I have alerts on my phone but I sometimes ignore it. This was one of those times. 

Oh right. That’s also why I forgot about my blog. I dropped my phone in the toilet…on accident. When I got out of therapy I really had to go to the bathroom. So I rushed in. I left my bag in the car and had only brought my phone, thinking ‘I’ll be fine without my bag.’ Wrong. I won’t be fine. Long story short, I put it in my back pocket and forgot it existed in my back pocket. 

The phone landed right into the bowl. Everything about me is so slow. This happened and instead of instant.y grabbing the phone out of the bowl, I just stared at it for a few seconds and laughed at myself. While I was laughing I remembered how I should probably take the phone out of the water. This few seconds was what ended the phones life. 

I did, however, have some hope because you simply never know. When I got home I took the phone apart and put it in rice. It stayed in the rice all night. 

The phone worked, just a touch screen part of the phone didn’t work. All my missed messages and notifications came through I just had no access to anything. 

I had an upgrade I my phone anyway so it did work out. My sister ended up getting the Galaxy s6 Edge and I took her iPhone. I couldn’t make a decision so I figured I have a year to make a decision when my sisters upgrade makes its way around.

So that is my phone saga 😬

Otherwise, everything seems to be going well. I’ve been good. 

Here’s a mandala that you can look at: 

  

 
This one is called ‘Tiny Love.’ This is more of a recent mandala. I did this in January of this year. I don’t remember having any emotion or memory with this mandala.

Mandalas are easy for me right now. Mine aren’t as pretty as the ones others create. Those are more intricate. 

I’ve been taught that mandalas are good for patients that are intimidated by art. This gives the patient a concentrated area that has its end. A piece of paper is pretty intense. It’s an open space that no one wants to tackle. Mandala takes care of that. 

I can’t handle a piece of paper. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. Drawing a circle eases the pain and gives me some structure. A million things go through my head and I don’t know how to stop. The circle slows me down and I don’t get overwhelmed. 

For the past 2 years, give or take, I’ve been trying to do a mandala a day or do one when I’m having a good or bad day. It’s been going well. 

I’ll try to share one every week and try to recall what was going on through my head. 

😬👍🏼😊